So, I cut my hair recently. Or to be more accurate, The Yankee cut it for me. Here are some pictures of my inspiration.
Notice anything about them? I didn’t look for then on dirty sites or anything. Both images just found me. I saw the allure cover at a news stand on the subway and the other one in a victorias secret ad before a youtube video.
“I went to see the first Sex In the City movie. You know, because I was just looking for… a chick flick, you know. I wasn’t looking for any sort of emotion… I was just… in New York that weekend, my best girl friend was with me. So we go and sit down and watch a movie… and there’s Jennifer Hudson doing Mammy and we were like ((gasp)) But why didn’t anyone tell us? And why would that be necessary? …why—in a movie about 21st Century women living in New York who’ve never bothered to meet any black women during the entire time that they’ve lived in New York on the television show—must they now suddenly have a Mammy? And why does it have to be Jennifer Hudson, who we love? … why is this happening? …why am I having to have a black feminist moment when I’m trying to try to see, like, a fun movie?! … this is the point I’m trying to make… you can just be wandering through your life, not really trying to have a race or gender experience, and then here comes an image. Here comes the tilt[ed worldview]. And you’ve got to figure out… how to engage that crooked image.”
-Melissa Harris-Perry @ UCSD [x]
I love this part of her speech so much! It’s a fantastic response to that meme where people in fandom and the mainstream talk about how people who point out problems with media are just “trying to be offended.” Nooo. People want to live their lives and the offensive crap just keeps popping up! [x]
How am I expected to not internalize this shit? How do we continue to tell women they exist for decoration only and expect there to be no negative consequences at all?
A little while ago I casually mentioned how sometimes I imagine I have Lena Dunham’s lower half when I’m in bed with someone.
There’s no shortage of articles online about Lena Dunham’s body and the cultural significance of it’s screen time. A big part of it is just about Dunham normalizing plus size bodies and beauty. Dunham looks like my mother, and half my classmates at college, and a decent chunk of the women I see walking down the street. Her nude scenes aren’t grand or sensationalist. They’re upsetting because they’re scenes about people who get hurt, and that’s upsetting. They’re awkward because people are awkward and they’re funny because people are funny.
And half the audience is going to commend it and half the audience is going to hate it but I can say right now:
Thank you Lena Dunham. Your presence in my media landscape has improved my sex life and the rest of my life too. I look forward to the rest of what you’ve got in store.
I recently started seeing a guy who I can be really brutally honest with. The other night we were at a bar and he kept trying to nuzzle me and I said “I’m going to say this and it’s going to sound mean but I don’t mean for it to be mean. Stop touching me like you’re my boyfriend.” He looked sort of taken aback for a moment and then said, “Only in public right?” and I nodded and he jovially said “Ok” and thanked me for being honest about my discomfort.
All this is to say that this morning when I said “When I’m in bed with someone I always get distracted from feeling sexy by trying to perform Sexiness properly,” he could trust that I was telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
But just saying that he trusts, doesn’t mean he understands. Because he freely admits that he doesn’t really. That to him I just AM sexy, no effort required. And I have a really hard time accepting that. That he can watch me lap up curry and still think I’m as as delicious looking as when I’m eyeing him in my underwear.
It takes practice for me to not perform sexy as it’s taught on every magazine cover. But I’m starting to notice that when I stop trying to stick my butt out or part my lips the right way, that’s when I can actually focus on what feels good. And thats much nicer to focus on.
Sometimes guys put stupid things in your head and sometimes you do it all on your own. And you’re probably going to think I’m crazy but I’m going to tell you a secret. A secret that you can appreciate now that you know how trustworthy I am. I imagine myself bigger. I imagine I have Lena Dunham’s butt and thighs. And somehow that helps me value my own pleasure over my self-imposed need to pretend I’m Kate Moss.
Today Daily Grace had this to say about People magazine’s announcement of Channing Tatum as the Sexiest Man Alive.
And I’m inclined to agree with her. Sorry Chan, but I like guys who have necks. And hair. And you have neither.
And apparently Mila Kunis is the sexiest woman alive? And apparently there are questions about that too? I mean, they both seem nice but I don’t particularly want to hit the sack with either of them.
So I guess my question is why do we bother? Why do we feel the need to pick one person who supposedly ‘everybody,’ or the majority, or at least a critical mass of people say turn them on? You know what turns me on? John Green quotes and boxers with small plaid. But People magazine isn’t going to ask me about what actually turns me on. They’re just going to make me feel weird for not being turned on by a blonde, neckless, actor.
My sexiest man alive is, was, and will continue to be (until one isn’t alive anymore) a tie between Pierce Brosnan, Hugh Jackman and Orlando Bloom. Mmmmm, necks, hair.
Sorry, I had to do some googling in order to spell those names right and so I’m in a bit of a haze now.
My point is that I’m sorry, People/Esquire, but you’re irrelevant. And your authoritarian claim that you know who is ‘objectively’ the sexiest person ignores the fact that the concept of ‘objectively sexy’ can only apply when we construct a cultural standard of what should be capital-S Sexy and demand that everyone’s libidos react to that and that alone.
Different people find different people sexy. Why is that so hard to accept?
The world is not full of Attractive People and Unattractive People. It’s full of people who are attractive to some and not to others.
This is Halloween.
And this is just a reminder that you don’t have to go naked if you don’t want to. Sexy ____ isn’t the only option. Clothing/cardboard/tin foil that actually covers the majority of your skin is an equally valid choice.
And also that if you want to slut that costume up you’re welcome to do so. No one can tell you what to do or not do with your body.
Just remember that the amount of clothing you wear doesn’t reflect what kind of a person you are.
Tonight you can be a slutty bunny if you feel so inclined but you can also dress up like Barack Obama if you want. Equally valid. Equally valid.
I’ve been reading a fantastic book called Yes Means Yes this week and one of the things this book talks a lot about is how girls aren’t raised to honor their sexual desires.
So, straight women, I give you (drum roll please)
(A term coined by my super smart lady friend. And, totally unrelated, if you’re having any questions about health care reform she has a simple guide)
A few lovely websites to peruse on your own time:
Hunk Du Jour
Mostly models. You know what I always say, “A hunk a day keeps… what was I saying?”
You Are An Object
Great images, mostly of sexy men of all kinds. I love that whoever runs the site obviously is a writer and uses the images as inspiration for short stories. Yay for the internet facilitating multiple forms of art at once!
Great for when I’m feeling vengeful at the patriarchy. I feel like this site objectifies men in ways that the media usually reserves for women. It simply fills me with delight.
Hang The DJ
Sweet. Lots of cuddles. Mostly gay couples but what’s better than looking at one hot guy? Yep.
And for those of you who dream of hair the way I do.
Fuck Yeah Indie Boys
I just want to run my hands… yeah.
No shame. No sex negativity.
I just want to point out that I know that this is a very by-straight-girl-for-straight-girl post and I try not to do that too much. I know (or hope at least) that this blog has a much more diverse audience than that. I just wanted to present things that I like and encourage all of you to find whatever that is for you.
Now go find the stuff you like!
Also, actual Pr0n.
Anyone who says women are just sexier has not been looking at those hands long enough.