What this lady looks at
Last night I went out with the cast.
Sort of.
I left the theater with the cast.
Walked to the restaurant with the cast.
Did a lap at the restaurant, decided I didn’t want to be trapped behind a table and walked right back out.
Don’t settle. don’t finish crappy books. If you don’t like the menu, leave the restaurant. If you’re not on the right path, get off it.
– CHRIS BROGAN [x]
Watch tv shows with great soundtracks
Write postcards to reps and friends
Make beautiful things
Take work you like
Write a long letter to your shrink
Buy good-smelling dry shampoo
It’s a new world out there.
A world where I spend a lot of time writing post cards to my senators, listening to political podcasts, and getting pretty depressed.
I used to feel like paying attention to politics was a hobby. Listening to Rachel Maddow an hour a day, checking in on what the white house has been up to.
Now it feels like it’s grown out of what I can handle. And now that it’s become a depressing day job I can’t handle additional heaps of upset. A few weeks ago I was given Colson Whitehead’s, The Underground Railroad. I’ve had to put it down. Now when I read something that isn’t politics it has to be light and fluffy. Which is unfortunate because that’s not really my style.
So it turns out that my self-care is much more about knitting than reading. In fact much more knitting than I anticipated it ever would be.
I’m finding that I crave it all of a sudden. I spend hours looking at patterns and yarns. Sorting through my yarn stash for what can go together, looking up new techniques.
And when I can’t scratch that itch, I get antsy. I’m a grumpy grinch.
I’m not feeling so well lately, emotionally, when I look at the world outside myself.
I’m trying to do more self-care, more yoga, more cooking, more making beautiful things for my friends, donating.
The Planned Parenthood tumblr page is really helping keep my head straight.
My initial reaction in November was automatic self-care. I cried in public when I needed it, I shrunk from situations that felt daunting. Since then I’ve taken to reading articles and beautiful words about it.
But now it feels like it’s time to brush ourselves off and get back up.
See you there friends!
The thing that’s scary about “adulting” is noticing that this is it. This is the whole world. This is traveling and paying bills.
This is what being marriageable is. And friendship is.
And it’s not bad.
But it sort of… maybe isn’t all that you thought life could be.
And it’s not like you get much better at it. It just keeps happening. You can get better at anticipating it, you can get better at not minding it. But the only thing that really helps is allowing yourself to be amazed and impressed by it.
I went to a yoga class yesterday. And the teacher kept telling us: You are enough. You are good at yoga. You are good enough.
Every single time she said it tears came to my eyes.
I felt completely ridiculous.
And yet it felt so good.
The other wonderful thing she said was that you’re allowed to be uneven. You’re allowed to feel strong in some places and unsure in others. You’re allowed to push yourself one day and treat yourself the next. Notice how the same pose can feel different on your two sides.
We will never be the same again.
But here’s a little secret for you: no one is ever the same thing again after anything. You are never the same twice, and much of your unhappiness comes from trying to pretend that you are. Accept that you are different each day, and do so joyfully, recognizing it for the gift it is. Work within the desires and goals of the person you are currently, until you aren’t that person anymore, and everything changes once again.
– Welcome to Night Vale, Episode 75 – “Through the Narrow Place” [x]
On Wednesday I posted this beautiful comic.
I didn’t talk about the mom though. Check out how satisfied she is. I love images of people who are invested in bringing out self-love in others.
I have… high self-confidence. Verbally.
You: Nice to meet you.
Me: I’m nice to meet.
And I catch a lot of heat for it. People think I’m stuck up, but let me ask you this, how could I be a narcissist when I don’t even know how to spell it?
But the truth is (I like to think) that the longer you spend around me doing that the more it rubs off on you. I can be proof that loving yourself doesn’t always have to be a struggle. And it can be practiced quickly and painlessly every day. This summer I’ve shown myself love by making iced tea and ice pops. And also by telling everyone around me how amazing I am.
Duh.
I don’t like open-toed shoes.
I don’t like sneakers that make my feet look wide.
I don’t like mushrooms.
It hurts to have things between my toes.
It hurts to drink milk.
It hurts to smell coffee.
If you dislike a thing it’s not a promise. It doesn’t mean you’ll never like that thing. It means “I’ll try it again when I’m good and ready, but for now no thanks.”
For something to hurt means “No. Maybe one day if I’m ready, but until then, NO.”
If you dislike something, or are hurt by something, it’s your prerogative to avoid it in the future. No one should make you try to like it before you’re ready.
And if they make you try it then you can spit it out in their hands. You have my permission.
Knowing what you’re worth and not settling for anything less is the greatest kind of self-care.
Female Gazing 