I’m incredibly proud of my relationship with my body, especially my breasts. And why wouldn’t I be? They’re perfect. The left is called “Per” and the right is called “Fect”.
And nothing makes me feel more grateful, not for them so much as for my comfort with them, as this series from The Cut.
The slideshow is amazing.
In a long life breasts are many things to many people. Sexualized, ignored, too much, too little.
It rings so true that even though some of the notes disagree with each other, you can agree with all of them. One may be complaining about them weighing too much, and another can be about them feeling too small, and it’s possible to agree with both.
It gives you permission to feel whatever you do feel about them.
There are so many images of breasts in the world. If you have breasts it can feel like they’re always on display, for comment. Subject to someone else’s lens, typified by their own preferences.
There’s something so different about the only important qualifier being your personal feelings about your own personal body.
I haven’t been writing much lately.
To be fair, I haven’t been talking much lately.
And I’ve been trying to feel (and think about feels) less lately too.
No sorry’s. No apology at all.
I apologize to myself. I apologize to me for the lies I’ve been telling me. I’ve put myself in a new position lately where I keep being shamed into silence on way or another.
Sometimes I get asked what tool I’m going to use to accomplish a task and when I answer the question I’m met with an incredulous and judgement-filled exclamation and expression “That way?! That’ll take a million years!” Well thanks for shouting about my idiocy in the middle of the office.
I come into the room in a good mood with a smile on my face and when I’m asked what’s up and then start responding about 5 words in I’m waved off.
And even more exhausting, I’m noticing it seep into the rest of my life.
My best friend is telling me that I’ve been doing less talking and more listening with her (she complained about it. Can you even imagine?)
So what do I do about this?
When you feel like you’re being shut down, how do you climb your way back out?
I was working with a friend the other day when we ran into a woman I know. She might be younger than us but only barely.
“Your friend is cute.”
A few hours later she came back.
“Nah, I changed my mind.”
And then a few hours later.
“You know, I think the thing about her is that she’s very pretty, but she just doesn’t have anything womanly about her. You know? It’s not even that she looks… pre-pubescent or anything, she just feels so young, you know? Her voice, the way she phrases questions, the way she looks at you, like a kid.”
A bit later I realized what I liked about this description.
I’ve been called womanly before, as a compliment and it never felt like much of one. Womanly, duh, I’m a woman. Is that a boob comment?
But having an idea of someone who is without that quality made it easier to pick out what defines that quality in my head. An earthyness, a groundedness. Somewhere between maternal and mysterious. Spontaneous and in control.
This young woman has many charms but it was interesting to see the definition of a compliment reflected in the opposite of it in someone else.
It just goes to show the diversity of humans and how every kind of person is beautiful to someone.
On Wednesday I posted this beautiful comic.
I didn’t talk about the mom though. Check out how satisfied she is. I love images of people who are invested in bringing out self-love in others.
I have… high self-confidence. Verbally.
You: Nice to meet you.
Me: I’m nice to meet.
And I catch a lot of heat for it. People think I’m stuck up, but let me ask you this, how could I be a narcissist when I don’t even know how to spell it?
But the truth is (I like to think) that the longer you spend around me doing that the more it rubs off on you. I can be proof that loving yourself doesn’t always have to be a struggle. And it can be practiced quickly and painlessly every day. This summer I’ve shown myself love by making iced tea and ice pops. And also by telling everyone around me how amazing I am.
Do something you love, or that you’ve always wanted to do! Remind yourself that there are things in this world that you love and enjoy.
See a musical.
Eat a corn dog.
Have a new sexual experience.
Take ibuprofen when you get cramps.
Look at some pictures of Frida Kahlo.
Watch Peeno Noir a dozen times.
Steal a really nice pen from a bank.
Look at pictures of really neat embroidery.
Just treat yourself, ok?
Knowing what you’re worth and not settling for anything less is the greatest kind of self-care.