Stop Looking For The Next Head To Step On

White Women Sold Out the Sisterhood and the World by Voting for Trump

A few weeks ago I went to visit a cousin of mine at his maritime academy. Everyone wore uniforms, spoke in military time.

One of the things that struck me pretty hard was what my cousin said about hazing. The freshmen had to wear super short haircuts and run everywhere. He was hating it.

The upperclassmen are allowed to treat the frosh like crap until the frosh move up by proving they can treat someone else like crap.

Much the same way that the last wave of immigrants to America (Irish?) who were once shat upon can now point to Somali immigrants to prove their American-ness, their ability to shit on new guys.

This is the most American, most patriarchal system we have. It is defining. It is sickening.

Boys Are Gross

Oh god, why do men even speak?

Heed My Words

The other day I got mad at a friend/co-worker of mine. I was so exasperated that I just walked away, I just had to leave the conversation before I broke his nose. And when I came back to get some equipment he opened his mouth to apologize.

“Don’t talk to me right now. Don’t look at me right now. Walk away right now.”

“Oh, come on.”

“What is so confusing to you about ‘Don’t talk to me right now’? Shall I break it down for you further?”

We went on like this for a few more minutes until I managed to get away from him again. You know what would have been in his better interest? HEEDING MY WORDS.

God forbid he had walked away from me when I asked him to do so I would have gotten over my anger almost immediately. Instead I went into a spiral because he disregarded my explicitly stated needs over and over again.

Hercules: Uh, so how’d you get stuck with the…

Meg: Pinhead with hooves? Well, you know how men are. They think “No” means “Yes” and “Get lost” means “Take me, I’m yours.”  [x]

He assumed that when I said “Go away” I really meant “Grovel.” If I’d wanted him to grovel I would have said “Grovel.” I like to say what I mean and mean what I say.

Women get a reputation for being confusing but more often than not we’re telling you exactly what we want and the men around us are just assuming we couldn’t possibly be smart enough to know what is in our own best interest. Don’t be that guy.

Listen to my words. I pick them out carefully.

Nobody Cares

My friend sent me this video yesterday with the following message: “Song about cat calling. It makes me twitch.”

I’m going to give Austin (who just turned 18 this month! Yes, I looked it up, we were all wondering) the benefit of the doubt here. The one thing I can really say for this song is that he is clearly writing directly from his (and if Mahone didn’t write the song himself I’m sure another ‘him’ wrote it on his behalf) perspective. There are admirably a lot of I statements. He describes a personal experience.

When I saw her
Walking down the street
She looked so fine
I just had to speak

I ask her name
But she turned away
As she walked
All that I can say was

Mmm mmm yeah yeah

Turning the other cheek on his failure to pick a tense and stick with it.

Personal. This is what I did, what I saw, what I said. And all I can think is (I’m a medium, if you were wondering)

This ‘experience’ he’s having is one of entitlement and privilege and is a perfect example of how boys are taught that everything that pops into their minds is worth sharing while women are taught to apologize for having an opinion. Nobody cares about your stupid boner. Shut up and go finish your homework.

We don’t care what you think. If we did, we would ask. So keep your equally stupid penis and opinions to yourself. No one asked you.

No Thanks, I’ll Catch The Next One

I saw this on the subway the other day.

And I got really excited about it. I love feminist graffiti! Who doesn’t, right?

And of course I checked out the hashtag and this is where it got me.

http://4th-wave-feminism.tumblr.com/

Which has a manifesto.

Which I found a little disheartening.

We are modern women. We reject the shackles of social puritanism and we reject the concept that being attractive is somehow wrong. We reject being shamed by those who resent us for caring about our bodies. We accept our femininity and embrace it whole-heartedly. We are women, we are proud to be women, and no one can dictate nor can they be allowed to control our femininity.

Erm, you’re making a lot of statements on my behalf which I go back and forth on almost every day. I totally reject the shackles of social puritanism, you’ve got me there and I also guess I reject the concept that being attractive is wrong but I don’t really think that was an issue and don’t think it deserves a place in my manifesto. I’m getting nervous you’re gonna derail here in a minute.

Also, femininity, that’s what you’re concerned with? Is this going to be a “wave of feminism” that’s really just you telling boys that while you do indeed shave your legs?

As modern women, we hold in our hands and possess in our bodies the power to affect change for the entirety of womankind. We have the tools and we must utilize them in order to be truly free of the oppression and inequality that we face every day, from not only the male sex but from our fellow women as well. For we are the fourth wave of feminist thought, and we will not stand idly by while factors beyond our control limit us from achieving our true potential. We are women; we must embrace our womanhood in its wholeness.

Embrace my womanhood in it’s wholeness? What if I’m a woman who doesn’t like feeling so womanly? What if I like to sport cargo pants and a buzzcut?

Femininity is our battle cry and the banner to which we rally is our sex, and we must accept it without fear

Femininity is not my battle cry and the reason for that isn’t fear.

from the society that has taught us to be afraid of our bodies. It has told us, lied to us, that our bodies are things to be despised and hated.

Ok, ok, this can be salvaged, yes.

Modern society has fed us blatant double-think that an ugly woman is repulsive and a beautiful woman even more so.

Um, “double-think”? Is this 1984? And yeah you could make that argument but this is getting kind of thin-privilege-apologist don’t you think?

Society forces propaganda down our throats that our beauty and sexuality makes us whores. This oppressive double standard perpetuates itself; a beautiful man is a thing of beauty, idolized and sung of in poems. A beautiful woman is a slut to be shamed.

I mean, yes, this is a problematic side effect of patriarchy, but it isn’t the battle cry of my feminist manifesto.

This is our stand. Today we end the double standard. Today we end society’s repressive puritanism. No more will we allow ourselves to be “slut shamed”. We are women and it is our right to be beautiful, it is our right to embrace our womanhood, our sexual prowess, and our femininity. We will apply make-up, wear flowers in our hair, and let our beauty shine. We shall be desired, envied, and cherished for that is our ultimate right.

Oh god. Are you aware that there are women outside of your sorority? Envied? Really?

We are the 4th Wave of Feminism, and this is our manifesto. No man or woman can tell us that being attractive is wrong, that striving for a beautiful body is oppressive, or that embracing our sexuality turns us into whores. We are who we are, so let us unite and stand proud as we have nothing to lose but our chains. Today we make a lasting mark in the annals of history. Today, we are woman. Hear us roar.

THINSPO?! HASHTAG FITNESS?! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!

Ok, I had to take a shower to wash off all that burning resentment.

Let me tell you about my feminist manifesto. We can call it 5th wave if you’d like because I am going nowhere near your “4th” crap.

I believe in a feminism that means that people can be as feminine or masculine or whatever else they want to be, or not, as they’d like to be. That self-tanner and stairmasters can be expression for some and not for others.

I believe in a feminism that doesn’t exclude anyone no matter how much they do or do freaking not identify with whatever spin class instructor wrote that. And which accepts that a feature of being a person is having a body which can and cannot be shaped by factors in your control and factors outside of your control.

I believe in a feminism which leads men like Ziauddin Yousafzai and girls like Malala to fight for the equal education of girls as well as boys because girls are people too.

And I believe in a feminism that acknowledges intersectionality and the complications of kyriarchy and opens doors for people who all deserve equal rights and respect just for the sheer fact of being people.

Screw your faux-feminist thinspo garbage.

Yes, you should have the right to wear miniskirts on your bum and flowers in your hair and not be harassed because no one is ever “asking for it,” I agree with you there.

But a feminist manifesto is not something to be taken lightly. It is not something to trot out the next time your date tells you to eat a hamburger, it’s something that should make you think about the world you live in, beyond your own personal bubble.

Think about that next time you’re waiting for your nails to dry.

My Feminism

When I was a kid my mom had a friend that always wanted “Better”. His microwave broke? Time to get the next size up. More features, more perks, more digital, more fancy. You know; “Better.”

At my house our oven broke and we got one the same size because a bigger one is actually an inconvenience. The iron broke and we got a smaller one because it was better at sleeves. But we had specific priorities. The oven had to be a specific height so dad didn’t have to lean over. We didn’t need the newest model, just the one that was wall mountable and the right width.

We got one that fit our lives. We were setting our own standards. What is important to me? What am I looking for from this? What are my priorities? Self-cleaning? Portable? Wireless?

It’s like how you don’t just go to the store and buy the biggest vibrator you can find. You figure out if what you want first. Is it a vibrator or a dildo? then you figure out what you’re looking for from it; intense rumbles or a big enough handle to rock it back and forth? Does the handle need to be comfortable from your vantage point or your partners? That’s why there are so freaking many options.

When I tell people I write a feminist blog sometimes they tell me something crazy; that some women just want to be mothers and I’m a big meanie for trying to dissuade them.

Hilarious. Quite the contrary. I don’t want everyone to run out and try to get the same life I want. That would be entirely too much competition. I want people to use their own standards and figure out their priorities and then go after the things they want. If that’s kids then great, if it’s presidency then great.

My feminism is about all people having access to the careers and options that make them happy regardless of their sex, gender, race, class, etc.

That’s why mandatory maternity leave for CEO’s is just as important as respecting the rights of caregivers.

I believe in a feminism that encourages all people to make the decisions and chase the dreams they find within themselves. We need to remember that housework is just as important as bread winning. As long as we consider child rearing petty ‘women’s work’, the patriarchy is winning. And we can’t have that now can we?

A Very Bad Day Of Gender Swapping

From Wifey.tv comes a story of role reversal and abuse.

The part that rings truest to me is the scene in the police station. How resistant the cops are to caring about his story. Making him listen to the statement as though he weren’t still immediately upset by it and treating him like the problem, like obviously he was doing something wrong to deserve such an attack.

Where The Science Ladies At?

Drinks On Me

This week a very nice gentleman spent a not insignificant amount of money buying me and my friends drinks in an effort to impress me. I didn’t realize that was what was going on until later when he told me that spending time with me was the reason he invited us out, and then he asked me if I had a boyfriend and we had a slightly awkward, slightly drunk conversation about it.

When I tell this story to my friends they all make a big deal out of the amount of money he must have dropped.

And the guys make a very big deal of pointing out how women never buy them drinks at bars, maybe one drink max. The world is so unfair.

I HATE this complaint.

I don’t like it when people buy me drinks generally. I am getting more used to it as my co-workers buy me drinks to thank me for the unglamorous work I do for them but generally, in a date setting, watching him pull out his wallet gives me a stomachache.

But here is the thing about romantical drink-buying: If you want to go out with me, if you want to impress me, then buying me a drink isn’t going to impress me, but it is going to get me to sit here with you while you try to impress me by doing something impressive.

Especially if I don’t really want to go out with you. Because if I want to go out with you too then the proof will be in the fact that I am also willing to pay for the opportunity to show you how much you should like me.

And if I like you then that is exactly the exact logical argument I’m making when I open a tab. Because if I like you and want to take you out and impress you with my brain then I want to buy you a drink because I want to be near you, and drinking the drink will ensure your nearness to me for a bit.

So here is my advice to guys who want women buying them drinks:

Take the space you have and make it feminist.

Make it clear that you’re the kind of guy who wouldn’t mind being asked out. Make it clear to me and make it clear to your male friends. Make this world the kind of world where I can ask you out and then when the relationship inevitably ends my friends won’t say “Of course it ended, you were too available. You should have waited 72 hours between each text and then left the bar whenever your cup was empty like I do.”

Because let me tell you how tired I am of hearing that.

I’m the kind of lady who likes to ask guys out. I want to drop my business card in his pocket even though we only talked for a little bit and my friends are pretty sure he’s gay or at least dating one of the other girls he’s talking to at the bar.

If I like you then I want to buy you a drink and show you all the reasons you should like me too. A drink isn’t payment for sex, a drink is payment for me sitting with you for 30-60 minutes while you make your case about why I should spend time with you, and maybe why I should have sex with you.

Being the recipient of free drinks isn’t a perk of being a woman, it’s a pitiful consolation prize for patriarchy.

Modern Women

Second City has a whole series of these funny videos on how to be a modern woman.

The above is definitely my favorite although How to Take a Compliment comes in second.