A few weeks ago I went to visit a cousin of mine at his maritime academy. Everyone wore uniforms, spoke in military time.
One of the things that struck me pretty hard was what my cousin said about hazing. The freshmen had to wear super short haircuts and run everywhere. He was hating it.
The upperclassmen are allowed to treat the frosh like crap until the frosh move up by proving they can treat someone else like crap.
Much the same way that the last wave of immigrants to America (Irish?) who were once shat upon can now point to Somali immigrants to prove their American-ness, their ability to shit on new guys.
This is the most American, most patriarchal system we have. It is defining. It is sickening.
Oh god, why do men even speak?
The other day I got mad at a friend/co-worker of mine. I was so exasperated that I just walked away, I just had to leave the conversation before I broke his nose. And when I came back to get some equipment he opened his mouth to apologize.
“Don’t talk to me right now. Don’t look at me right now. Walk away right now.”
“Oh, come on.”
“What is so confusing to you about ‘Don’t talk to me right now’? Shall I break it down for you further?”
We went on like this for a few more minutes until I managed to get away from him again. You know what would have been in his better interest? HEEDING MY WORDS.
God forbid he had walked away from me when I asked him to do so I would have gotten over my anger almost immediately. Instead I went into a spiral because he disregarded my explicitly stated needs over and over again.
Hercules: Uh, so how’d you get stuck with the…
Meg: Pinhead with hooves? Well, you know how men are. They think “No” means “Yes” and “Get lost” means “Take me, I’m yours.” [x]
He assumed that when I said “Go away” I really meant “Grovel.” If I’d wanted him to grovel I would have said “Grovel.” I like to say what I mean and mean what I say.
Women get a reputation for being confusing but more often than not we’re telling you exactly what we want and the men around us are just assuming we couldn’t possibly be smart enough to know what is in our own best interest. Don’t be that guy.
Listen to my words. I pick them out carefully.
My friend sent me this video yesterday with the following message: “Song about cat calling. It makes me twitch.”
I’m going to give Austin (who just turned 18 this month! Yes, I looked it up, we were all wondering) the benefit of the doubt here. The one thing I can really say for this song is that he is clearly writing directly from his (and if Mahone didn’t write the song himself I’m sure another ‘him’ wrote it on his behalf) perspective. There are admirably a lot of I statements. He describes a personal experience.
When I saw her
Walking down the street
She looked so fine
I just had to speak
I ask her name
But she turned away
As she walked
All that I can say was
Mmm mmm yeah yeah
Turning the other cheek on his failure to pick a tense and stick with it.
Personal. This is what I did, what I saw, what I said. And all I can think is (I’m a medium, if you were wondering)
This ‘experience’ he’s having is one of entitlement and privilege and is a perfect example of how boys are taught that everything that pops into their minds is worth sharing while women are taught to apologize for having an opinion. Nobody cares about your stupid boner. Shut up and go finish your homework.
We don’t care what you think. If we did, we would ask. So keep your equally stupid penis and opinions to yourself. No one asked you.
I saw this on the subway the other day.
And I got really excited about it. I love feminist graffiti! Who doesn’t, right?
And of course I checked out the hashtag and this is where it got me.
Which has a manifesto.
Which I found a little disheartening.
We are modern women. We reject the shackles of social puritanism and we reject the concept that being attractive is somehow wrong. We reject being shamed by those who resent us for caring about our bodies. We accept our femininity and embrace it whole-heartedly. We are women, we are proud to be women, and no one can dictate nor can they be allowed to control our femininity.
Erm, you’re making a lot of statements on my behalf which I go back and forth on almost every day. I totally reject the shackles of social puritanism, you’ve got me there and I also guess I reject the concept that being attractive is wrong but I don’t really think that was an issue and don’t think it deserves a place in my manifesto. I’m getting nervous you’re gonna derail here in a minute.
Also, femininity, that’s what you’re concerned with? Is this going to be a “wave of feminism” that’s really just you telling boys that while you do indeed shave your legs?
As modern women, we hold in our hands and possess in our bodies the power to affect change for the entirety of womankind. We have the tools and we must utilize them in order to be truly free of the oppression and inequality that we face every day, from not only the male sex but from our fellow women as well. For we are the fourth wave of feminist thought, and we will not stand idly by while factors beyond our control limit us from achieving our true potential. We are women; we must embrace our womanhood in its wholeness.
Embrace my womanhood in it’s wholeness? What if I’m a woman who doesn’t like feeling so womanly? What if I like to sport cargo pants and a buzzcut?
Femininity is our battle cry and the banner to which we rally is our sex, and we must accept it without fear
Femininity is not my battle cry and the reason for that isn’t fear.
from the society that has taught us to be afraid of our bodies. It has told us, lied to us, that our bodies are things to be despised and hated.
Ok, ok, this can be salvaged, yes.
Modern society has fed us blatant double-think that an ugly woman is repulsive and a beautiful woman even more so.
Um, “double-think”? Is this 1984? And yeah you could make that argument but this is getting kind of thin-privilege-apologist don’t you think?
Society forces propaganda down our throats that our beauty and sexuality makes us whores. This oppressive double standard perpetuates itself; a beautiful man is a thing of beauty, idolized and sung of in poems. A beautiful woman is a slut to be shamed.
I mean, yes, this is a problematic side effect of patriarchy, but it isn’t the battle cry of my feminist manifesto.
This is our stand. Today we end the double standard. Today we end society’s repressive puritanism. No more will we allow ourselves to be “slut shamed”. We are women and it is our right to be beautiful, it is our right to embrace our womanhood, our sexual prowess, and our femininity. We will apply make-up, wear flowers in our hair, and let our beauty shine. We shall be desired, envied, and cherished for that is our ultimate right.
Oh god. Are you aware that there are women outside of your sorority? Envied? Really?
We are the 4th Wave of Feminism, and this is our manifesto. No man or woman can tell us that being attractive is wrong, that striving for a beautiful body is oppressive, or that embracing our sexuality turns us into whores. We are who we are, so let us unite and stand proud as we have nothing to lose but our chains. Today we make a lasting mark in the annals of history. Today, we are woman. Hear us roar.
When I was a kid my mom had a friend that always wanted “Better”. His microwave broke? Time to get the next size up. More features, more perks, more digital, more fancy. You know; “Better.”
At my house our oven broke and we got one the same size because a bigger one is actually an inconvenience. The iron broke and we got a smaller one because it was better at sleeves. But we had specific priorities. The oven had to be a specific height so dad didn’t have to lean over. We didn’t need the newest model, just the one that was wall mountable and the right width.
We got one that fit our lives. We were setting our own standards. What is important to me? What am I looking for from this? What are my priorities? Self-cleaning? Portable? Wireless?
It’s like how you don’t just go to the store and buy the biggest vibrator you can find. You figure out if what you want first. Is it a vibrator or a dildo? then you figure out what you’re looking for from it; intense rumbles or a big enough handle to rock it back and forth? Does the handle need to be comfortable from your vantage point or your partners? That’s why there are so freaking many options.
When I tell people I write a feminist blog sometimes they tell me something crazy; that some women just want to be mothers and I’m a big meanie for trying to dissuade them.
Hilarious. Quite the contrary. I don’t want everyone to run out and try to get the same life I want. That would be entirely too much competition. I want people to use their own standards and figure out their priorities and then go after the things they want. If that’s kids then great, if it’s presidency then great.
My feminism is about all people having access to the careers and options that make them happy regardless of their sex, gender, race, class, etc.
That’s why mandatory maternity leave for CEO’s is just as important as respecting the rights of caregivers.
I believe in a feminism that encourages all people to make the decisions and chase the dreams they find within themselves. We need to remember that housework is just as important as bread winning. As long as we consider child rearing petty ‘women’s work’, the patriarchy is winning. And we can’t have that now can we?
From Wifey.tv comes a story of role reversal and abuse.
The part that rings truest to me is the scene in the police station. How resistant the cops are to caring about his story. Making him listen to the statement as though he weren’t still immediately upset by it and treating him like the problem, like obviously he was doing something wrong to deserve such an attack.