Rights, Sexuality

Acceptance Has No Exceptions

The other day I ran up a set of stairs and I almost died.

Well, that’s how I felt at least. No one ever told me I’d get so old so young.

That isn’t the point. When I got to the top of the stairs my date was waiting there for me, laughing and holding the door open as I tumbled into the train car. And for a moment I wanted to throw myself into his arms and thank my lucky stars that I didn’t break a hip or have a heart attack or something. And then, because my brain is a strange and non-romantic place, this popped into my head instead.

youareanobject:imalittleyellowfish:(via pieceofsoul, chelseymathews)A moment I would stare at without realizing I was staring and thinking things like ‘straight people just…do straight things…and everybody’s just okay with it’ and they would pretend not to notice me staring. Then I’d see something shiny and we’d both forget it ever happened.i’m okay with straight people as long as they act gay in publicRIGHT ONEDUMBJOKE?



A moment I would stare at without realizing I was staring and thinking things like ‘straight people just…do straight things…and everybody’s just okay with it’ and they would pretend not to notice me staring. Then I’d see something shiny and we’d both forget it ever happened.

i’m okay with straight people as long as they act gay in public

‘straight people just…do straight things…and everybody’s just okay with it’

I thought about how easy it would be to throw myself into his arms, how in a few weeks when he’s more entrenched in my life maybe I’ll really want to do that… often. How maybe I’ll want to do it so badly I’ll hardly be able to stop myself. How hard it must be to feel that way and always have to stop yourself.

And so instead of throwing myself into his arms I tried to steady my heartbeat and catch my breath and I got really sad.  I got really sad at the depravity of the world we live in. A world where every day people can have that overwhelming need to throw themselves at their loved ones and then recognize that same need in others and deny it to them. It seems I get really sad on the subway a lot lately.

Bodies, Confidence, Media

My Body…Finally

You really think everyone looks like that?  Really?

And co-opting the language of loving your body actually does more harm than good, I’m looking at you Victorias Secret.

These ads are a double whammy.  They present with feminist language of self acceptance and empowerment but actually sexualize women and show the only body type we should heart.

Bodies, Deviant/Default, Media, Obedience

Bored Men With Naked Women – Peter Dinklage Edition

All the way back in September of last year I put up a post about naked people as props.  Aptly titled if I do say so myself.

This popped up in my reader the other day and while I love Peter Dinklage in Game of Thrones and life in general I couldn’t help but think of something I read somewhere (and by somewhere I mean EVERYWHERE BECAUSE IT’S TRUE) about how images of women parts

And in worst case scenarios


lead to dehumanization and objectification of women and then violence towards women.  It’s easier to hurt somebody who you think of as more body than buddy.

So while I adore Mr. Dinklage, I don’t support these pictures which reduce women to the decorative function they provide for men, upping their status with their ‘hot lady pieces.’

Something to think about next time you open a magazine to this

The advertisers say they’re just giving us what we want but is this really what we want?  Really?

Art, Bodies, Man Meat, Media, Obedience, Sex, Sexuality

The Most Beautiful Man I’ve Ever Not Met

You have to question a cinematic culture which preaches artistic expression, and yet would support a decision that is clearly a product of a patriarchy-dominant society, which tries to control how women are depicted on screen. The MPAA is okay supporting scenes that portray women in scenarios of sexual torture and violence for entertainment purposes, but they are trying to force us to look away from a scene that shows a woman in a sexual scenario, which is both complicit and complex. It’s misogynistic in nature to try and control a woman’s sexual presentation of self. I consider this an issue that is bigger than this film. … There is something very distorted about this reality that they’ve created, which is that it is OK to torture women on screen. Any kind of violence towards women in a sexual scenario is fine. But give a woman pleasure? No way. Not a chance. That’s pornography.
— Ryan Gosling, actor and feminist, in a letter protesting the NC-17 rating of Blue Valentine. The rating was based on one consensual sex scene. (viasnowstorminjuly) (via blaisingfeminist)

Alright so I’ve never been one of those girls who thinks Ryan Gosling is gold (unless he’s presented to me shirtless and then I cannot resist the sparkly perfectness of his -ness) but as Amy Pond says in Doctor Who.

You know when, sometimes you meet someone so beautiful, and then you actually talk to them and five minutes later, they’re as dull as a brick? Then there’s other people, and you meet them and you think, ‘Not bad; they’re okay.’ And then you get to know them, and their face sort of becomes them, like their personality is written all over it. And they just turn into something so beautiful. Rory’s the most beautiful man I’ve ever met.
~Amy Pond (The Girl Who Waited)

And Ryan Gosling just became just about the most beautiful man I’ve ever not met.  In honor of that here are some hot pictures of him.

So thanks Ryan.  That’s what you get for being awesome.  Some serious adoration.


Go Fug Yourself!

There’s a blog I really enjoy called gofugyourself.com.

I enjoy looking at crazy people wearing crazy clothing

Yes, that is a famous person (I have no idea who she is, but she’s pretty) wearing harem pants that are split open all the way down the front.

As well as the completely gratuitous pictures of guys who would perhaps seem relevant if I understood what the events were.

But alas, I have no idea if he’s in the movie, dating a girl in the movie, or cutting the ribbon at the groundbreaking of something.  Either way he looks darn good doing it and I care about very little else.

Every once in a while the website will top itself though and say something like

It’s bizarre and impression and also fun in a very Didn’t Proper Ladies Do This In Books Set in 1850? Next We Shall Play the Pianoforte! kind of way.

And everyone knows that nothing makes me happier than incredibly descriptive run-on sentences with entirely too many capital letters, especially when they reference ye olde books.

The website will also occasionally have strokes of brilliance like this

I DON’T like that I can foresee my including this picture setting off a rash of comments about how small she is in the comments, so here is a gentle reminder: Please be thoughtful when writing about bodies that belong to other people, and while I know it can be difficult, we’d very much appreciate it if we could concentrate on the clothing rather than people’s weights — in either direction. A sincere request from your hostess in advance. Thank you.

Because the site generally is so lighthearted, this plea becomes so normal.  And that’s what this plea should be.  Normal.

Being thoughtful while writing about bodies that belong to other people should be second nature.  It shouldn’t require a reminder at all.



Bodies, Deviant/Default, Man Meat

Hey Hot Stuff

Mr. Fox will have this exact hair.
I want to see as many sexualized male bodies as female bodies in the kinky/sex positive community, as an indication that we agree that diversity is beautiful, that we are, in fact, sex positive and at the forefront of challenging “the norm”. I want club nights designing fliers to consider having a variety of male bodies on their images. I want galleries to show men tied up or tying, being spanked, standing tall in their leather boots- and I want these images to not be ones created for the gay male community and then pushed at women. I want to see faces in agony and pleasure. I want to see erect cock. I want to challenge the knee jerk reaction that “female bodies are just more attractive”.

That quote is directly about the kinky community but I love the idea of ‘I want to challenge the knee jerk reaction that “female bodies are just more attractive”.’

Because I don’t know about you, but I disagree with it.

I’ve heard men talk about how they see going down on a woman as radical and political.  Sometimes that’s how I think about enjoying pictures of men. And let me just say that it’s not like these pictures are nearly as racy as still images of women I’ve come across without even trying (although…).

It’s one thing to tell me what I can or can’t look at.  But to tell me what I can or can’t like is patronizing and rude.

Women aren’t just naturally sexier than men.   To say that gives credence to the idea that, like Smurfette, we’re just the sexy version of men and I refuse to believe that.  Women and men are just people that other women and men find sexy.

That’s it.  That’s the anti-patriarchy message for today.  I think you’re hot.

Now try telling me that all those feminists are just man-haters.

And if these pictures aren’t to your taste check here or here or here for some more ‘fantasy research.’

Bodies, Man Meat, Media

Stop Looking At Me That W… What Was I Saying Again?

If you’re a long time reader of Female Gazing you’ll remember how much I love pictures of people looking at other people.

I love how in this picture I can tell that she’s doing exactly what I’d be doing if Alexander Skarsgard were looking at me like that.

My interpretation of the thoughts going through Kristin Bauer’s head at this exact moment:

I had something to say I swear…  I was thinking…  something…  God you’re pretty.  Why are you looking at me like that?  No, don’t stop, ever.  Don’t giggle Kristin, if you giggle he’ll move away.  gdsfkljm,kijf…..  *drool*

Then he looks away and laughs and you’re like ‘well hell, there goes my chance to look like a real person with real thoughts and stuff.’

It’s really a wonder.  Gorgeous men’s smiles are like crack.  You do horrible things to get one and then once you have a hit you do something ridiculously foolish like forget how to spell your own middle name and then once it’s gone you hate yourself for having the craving and swear you won’t try to score anymore.

Until next time of course.

Men.  Can’t live with ’em, can’t shoot em.


Oh, Refreshing.

A delicious friend of mine posted this recipe on facebook the other day and I’m excited to try it.  Here it is.

Mom’s Banana Buddy Shake


1 ripe banana
1 cup of non-dairy milk (I used vanilla almond milk or rice milk but cow’s is fine too)
1 1/2 Tbsp unsalted peanut butter (any nut or seed butter will work here)
1/2 tsp gluten free vanilla extract
1/2 tsp ground flaxseed (optional but provides a good source of Omega-3s)
pinch of sea salt, optional but so yummy!
dash of cinnamon (plus more for sprinkling on top, if desired)
ice cubes


1. Place all ingredients in a blender and mix until combined. Pour into glass and enjoy!

Serves 1

Sweet cool summer deliciousness.

Sweet cool summer deliciousness.



Hey pretty lady (or man)!

I feel like I’ve been doing a lot of somewhat depressing posts about abortions and uteri and so this is a little reward for you.

To say thanks.  Thanks for sitting through the hard parts and trusting that there are more good parts to come.  And that yes, the world has mean people in it but it also has a lot of beauty.

And today the beautiful thing I want to look at is…


You.  You beautiful person you.  Look at yourself (Damm gurrrl!) and see the beauty I see.

That big ass heart!

You pretty, handsome, big-ass-hearted, lovely, lady/man.  In my eye you are golden.

People often say that ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder,’ and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder. This empowers us to find beauty in places where others have not dared to look, including inside ourselves.~ Salma Hayek