Tag Archives: Kink

Love And Kink, Edibly Speaking

18 Feb

Recently I’ve heard two great food metaphors, one for love and one for kink.

A few weeks ago I toured the Kink.com factory and our tour guide said of the preference for pain

“It’s like spicy food. You can watch someone eat spicy food and shake and cry and wonder why they’re doing this to themselves. But they do it again and again and tell you they love it. Other people, of course, hate it. People are just different.”

Last night I was talking to a friend and she said that saying I love you does change things between the people saying it. She said

“It’s like the difference between chicken broth you bought at the store and chicken broth your mom made. Both are good. If you’re making rice then the store bought stuff is better than water. But there’s nothing like the stuff your mom makes when you need it.”

That is all.

What Kind Of Pain Do You Like?

16 Jul

I realized the other day that I listen to a lot of sad music. I love songs that make me contemplate the death of my loved ones. Just send me to a concert that will make me jump around with tears streaming down my face and I’m a happy camper.

I like friends that make me ponder how deeply a heart can break and movies that make my heart ache with fear and jealousy.

Maybe I just like pain?

Cliff at The Pervocracy did a “30 days of kink” project a little while ago, answering a question a day about preferences, experiences, memories and taking us to some unsettling places. The ending of Day 10: What are your hard limits? surprised me even though it shouldn’t have.

Cliff lists some physical limits and then adds:

Maybe the ultimate hard limit for me is emotional pain.  I don’t ever want play to hurt my heart.  I don’t want a scene to ever intentionally make me feel worthless or abandoned or repellent.  I want my play to hurt, but I don’t ever want it to truly hurt me.

What do you do when you think that maybe emotional pain is what you’re attracted to in this world? And what does that mean for your potential for joy? Am I just a sociopath?


3 Sep

There is something I’ve always really liked about Brangelina.  I don’t particularly like either of them separately to be honest.  I tend not to like her movies.  I enjoyed Benjamin Button and Inglorious Basterds for reasons that are pretty unconcerned with Pitt.  In photos separately they seem like self-obsessed actors.   And I have enough of those in my life not to need to stare at more.

But when they are interviewed or photographed together or asked about each other something magical happens.

It feels like they’ve spent the last 30 years traveling through the world thinking ‘I’m so weird and I’m going to feel like the weirdest loneliest person in the world forever.’

And then they found each other and all the things that once were called weird were just mutual weirdnesses and instead of being loved in spite of them they can love each other because of them.

Back in November, Angelina Jolie was interviewed by 60 Minutes where she told the interviewer that she’s “still a bad girl, I still have that side of me… it’s just in it’s place now. It belongs to Brad and our adventures.”

Then comes Brad’s interview. He sat down with CBS’s This Morning With Charlie Rose, and in the interview, Brad watched Angelina’s 60 Minutes clip – and his reaction was absolutely adorable. He smiled (his sexy smile), and said “Yeeeah, she’s still a bad girl. Delightfully so. It’s not for public consumption.” [x]

A partnership and also as if you’ve had this kink all your life that no one is into and then you find a GGG person for the first time and they don’t judge you even for a moment.  You’re allowed to be yourself apart from them.  And also accepted for all the things you want to do with/to/for them.

In the play I’m working on right now there’s a scene where one of the characters turns upstage and holds out his hand.  The other character is supposed to take his hand and walk upstage with him.  The director told her “You’d go anywhere with him.  That’s what you’re saying when you take his hand.”

I’d go anywhere with you.  It’s written on their faces every time they look at each other.  I want that.

Sexuality Worksheets

2 Aug

When I started reading Pervocracy.com I found Cliff’s ‘Kink Worksheet‘ and instantly fell in love.

I love that it requires you to put into words A) What you want to do, B) What you don’t want to do, and C) Why you want it.  I love that it thoroughly covers likes, dislikes, safe words and even health concerns and protection.

In the post where Cliff introduces this sheet it’s very clear that the sheet is meant to be a conversation starter.  I like to imagine couples printing it out and cuddling up on the couch with some tea and a few colors of crayon maybe making some markings on the back.  As the conversation goes on maybe they write down a few things they discussed and want to do but not quite yet.  Or maybe some things they want to remember to discuss next time they decide to play.  And you can make a version of this that could be considered vanilla, asking questions about positions and body parts.  Exercise those creative muscles people!  Perhaps you could add a question about your partners feelings about period sex.

So last night I found something similar on LaciGreen’s (please be my friend!!) tumblr

Or Maybe you’d prefer

Google around.  Get some ideas.  Creativity…  You  might learn something new about yourself. 

A Feminist Sub

18 Apr

Lately I’ve found a new blog to adore.  afeministsub.wordpress.com makes me really happy.  She says a lot of great stuff but at this point nothing tops (pun intended) the subtitle of the blog itself.



Hell yeah.  Simple, sweet, and true.

Feminism is about seeing the whole world instead of half, opening your eyes and seeing how other people experience life in skin that isn’t your own.

Enjoying being submissive is about what turns your crank.  The two are completely separate and found together surprisingly often.  I tend to think it’s because feminist people tend to be geeky people and geeky people tend to enjoy complicated problems, hence the “like, 90% of both groups” crossover between ‘geeky’ and ‘kinky.’ [x]

Nonetheless, that one statement makes me think of this Walt Whitman Quote.

“Do I contradict myself? Very well, then, I contradict myself; I am large — I contain multitudes.”
― Walt Whitman

While being a feminist and a sub may not be contradictions, I am a seething mass of contradictions.  What can I say?  I contain multitudes.  All interesting people do.