Tag Archives: James Deen

The James Deen Rape Allegations

2 Dec

So this happened apparently.

Which hurts. No matter how much it hurts though, one has to side with anyone who is brave enough to come forward about being a victim.

Whether it’s Ke$ha (even people who choose weird stage names deserve to have their bodies respected) who is facing a potentially career-ending decision and is being incredibly brave anyway.

Or Cosby’s victims who have had their reputations dragged through the mud by people who conflate the character the man plays with the actor himself.

Or friends who have their own reasons to fear retribution, slander and other untold consequences.

But sometimes it’s difficult.

Because we think we know something about the accused. Because the allegations go against our preconceived notions of what that person is like. A friend, a star we’ve seen interviewed, someone we thought spoke our language. And how disappointing is it to be wrong, to be challenged in our belief in goodness?

And yet “James Deen held me down and f—ed me while I said no, stop, used my safeword. I can’t just nod and smile when people bring him up anymore.”

I used the safeword we agreed on and he ignored it. What more should ever need to be said?

I’ve broken up with people for more innocuous forms of treachery.

But it does break my heart. To see someone I trusted fall from grace.

I don’t believe that the pedestal was too tall. It shouldn’t be too much to ask for, a kinky, beautiful Jew who cares about pleasure and respects you at the same time.

I guess we’ll all just have to keep searching for him, and hope that some good and healing can come from this. Perhaps it’ll be the rest of the world learning how to take sexual abuse allegations seriously and swiftly.

My heart bleeds for the people who have been assaulted, whether that be by someone who violated a scenario based on trust, or violated a scenario based on trust, or violated a scenario based on trust.

But we need to remember,

I can regret holding Deen up as a paragon of what a sex partner should be, but I won’t regret my hope that he could have been.

James Deen: Part… A Lot

20 May

Yesterday I got another comment on my post about James Deen and I just had to share it.

Heres the kind of stuff your “Feminist” hero James Deen is into: http://www.redtube.com/312795

He makes the Steubenville football team look like Gloria Steinem. Anyone who would be “glad” her daughter was into that is human scum, and probably a child abuser. So congrats, youve turned Feminism into a sham!

For anyone above 50, new to the internet, or just vanilla DO NOT go haphazardly clicking on that link. That is some hardcore porn of the hardcore-iest variety.

More specifically it’s a link to a gangbang (1 gal, many guys) starring a woman called Princess Donna and featuring James Deen.

Now, among the many things this commenter (lets call him Marty) is missing is that Princess Donna directs porn. This of course isn’t a reason to gangbang her. The reason in this case is that she asked for it. You know, in the only way a woman ever can ask for sex, with her words.

I will say that I didn’t much like the “pizza delivery” scene (you know, this safe-for-work part) which felt a little Stubenville-y to me and was not anything like any fantasy of mine. However there is a reason for that. It wasn’t a fantasy of mine; it was a fantasy of hers.

If you go to the beginning of the video you see an interview with Princess Donna where she doesn’t just agree to be in the film but we find out that she personally selected the director and told him exactly what she wants the setup to be.

And here is the kicker, the thing that tells me not just how much Marty missed but how he was looking in the completely wrong place. In the interview she talks about an experience where she had been on a roof with a bunch of strange men at a party and had gotten nervous something would happen. In the real life version of events she got scared because they were strangers, some more people came up to the roof, the situation diffused itself and she ran back down to the party. Because that shit is scary.

However since then she has been fantasizing about the experience going a different way. In fact at the end of the video (if you don’t want to see any sex, and I wouldn’t blame you, skip to 1:09:00) she says that her favorite part of the experience was the beginning because it was so much like her personal experience on the roof (AKA, thank you director for giving me exactly what I ASKED for with my words).

In the real life version where she had no control over what the guys would do, shit was scary and she didn’t want to be there. But this wasn’t real life, this was porn. This was a woman, a woman who directs BDSM porn like this, who has seen it up close and personal, walking into a space, hiring a director she likes, and (I imagine) men she likes (in fact in that final interview we hear that she and Deen have an off-camera relationship of some kind that we can gather isn’t very vanilla), and then having them do what she wants done to her.

Deen (and 7 other guys) did to her exactly what she asked them to do (with her WORDS, not her skirt) maybe even in writing (and I would bet money that there was an agreed upon safeword in play) and then she got paid for the evidence and probably a big reputation boost at work. The Stubenville football team did what they wanted to an unconscious underage girl who never asked for any of it and then used the evidence to bully and shame her.

Once again consent is what makes all the difference. And if you, Marty, couldn’t tell the difference between the entire conversation which constituted her consent and a troop of boys passing around an unconscious girl then I urge you to do women everywhere a favor and not have sex with anyone until you learn it.

My James Deeniversary

16 Mar

In honor of yesterday, the anniversary of the post that has the most hits of any I’ve written.


I’m eclectic, what can I say.

Podcast Special – James Deen Interview Edition

2 Nov

So as it turns out it’s harder to make a weekly podcast than I had anticipated.

Please accept my apology and the following.  It’s got my face as well as my voice and a little James Deen.

The Power Of Labels

29 Oct

Today I watched this video

I knew Deen was coming out with a line of toys (and I have at least one friend who is excited to get one) [UPDATE: review] but when I watched the video I was reminded of something.

In the interview you see lots of posters of him in the store where the signing is being held.  And as the camera flicked past these images I kept thinking how happy he looks in all the posters.  He looks like he has nothing to hide.  Like he’s saying “Hey there world!  I’m me!  Just like this!  Warts and all!  And if you don’t like it, then you can suck it!” and the world was like, “Um, ok, then I guess you’re cool.”

It reminded me of the first time I thought about the word Gay.  I listened to a lot of show tunes and watched a lot of old movies when I was a kid so I remember knowing the definition of gay as happy long before I learned that it also meant homosexual.

And I remember that my first thought was how obvious the word was.  How obviously gay people would describe themselves as happy.  Why wouldn’t they?  They’re people who show their truest selves to the world and are happily in love.  Gay people must have the highest levels of gaiety because they are doing exactly what Deen is doing in those pictures.  They’ve come the cleanest.

The free soul is rare, but you know it when you see it — basically because you feel good, very good, when you are near or with them.

– Charles Bukowski, Tales of Ordinary Madness [x]

I hope one day I can find out what I need to admit to the world in order to be that happy.

Related to this, I started thinking about a concept from Doctor Who.  On the show the main character is called “The Doctor” and at a certain point he turns kind of… evil-ish and he’s told that on other planets, in other languages “Doctor” is a bad word.  It means warrior or murderer or whatever other scary thing he doesn’t want to be.

Sometimes words have meaning before they’re applied to you.  Sometimes you give words meaning when you associate with them.

The word feminist doesn’t mean “A hairy lesbian who wants to cut your balls off” it is a word which happens to encompass parts of me.  I define it with what I do and believe.  It doesn’t define me by your preconceived notions.

Why I’d Be Glad If My Daughter Was Watching James Deen

15 Mar

I recently started following porn star James Deen on twitter, reading articles about him and watching videos of him… being interviewed on ABC (Hi Mom!).  Oh, and watching him smack ladies around a little bit, but that goes without saying.

The Nightline segment makes Deen sound like the black mold lurking in your bathroom poisoning your family, an invisible threat, killing your children.

In fact I think James Deen is one of the most positive sexual influences your teenage daughter can have.

“I’ve been into rough sex pretty much my whole sexual life and so I’m not, like, bad at it,” Mr. Deen told me by phone last month, on his 26th birthday.“I don’t know how to say it without being a hideous prick, but I’m pretty good at having rough sex. It got to the point where a lot of girls who aren’t into that type of sex were afraid to work with me because they thought I was going to slap them in the face or something. But I only do that if the girl is into it. There’s no reason to choke somebody if they don’t like getting choked. Then you’re basically being an asshole.” [x]

I’d rather my daughter sneak around tumblr looking for gif’s of James Deen and explore her sexuality and desires with him than profess her love for Chris Brown.

Reason 1: If you develop an obsession with James Deen you start to google around for actual information about him as a person and then when you read interviews with him you realize that he’s actually a sex-positive feminist.

Reason 2: James Deen is a Jew and instilling a love for James Deen in my daughter means that she’ll look for other Jewish looking fellas – Ta Da Jewish grandbabies!

Reason 3: When James Deen is ‘working’ he is the physical embodiment of consent culture.  He is the most attentive partner a teenage girl is likely to see in this world.  In most of his videos this is visible in his continuing to do whatever fabulous thing he’s doing at his lady’s enthusiastic-consent-eyes/breathing/nod/whatever, but you always get the feeling that if she winced for just a moment he would stop the action no matter what the director said.

Reason 4: Kink.  James Deen likes (and is damn good at) rough sex.  What better way to explore what turns your crank than by watching Mr. Consent show someone a really great time.

Yes, I’d rather my daughter idolize Porn Star James Deen than Christian Bale, Nicolas Cage, Mel Gibson, or Bill Cosby.

Please, Nightline, join my team.

As far as the objection that legal minor/preteen/single digit is ‘too young’ to be viewing porn I’ll leave you with what my mother used to tell me when I was a kid:  “If young people want to have sex, they’re going to have sex and there’s nothing you can do about it.”  Same goes for watching porn.

Edit: This post was written in March of 2012 (before the 2015 rape allegations). Updated thoughts and feelings are available here.