Tag Archives: Bodies

I Wanted To Take A Bath

3 Dec

So I took off my clothes and started filling the tub.

I set out a few candles around the bathroom; the sink, the window ledge, the toilet tank. I turned off the overhead and lit a match, moving from one candle to the next enjoying the rushing sound of the filling bath.

I turned my back to the sink with its three evenly spaced candles to pick some music for my soak and my gaze was met by curves descending like vines from the ceiling. When I moved they moved. My body, my hourglass, my S curves in triplicate, projected larger than life onto gleaming white tile.

I threw on something slow and watched my body in kaleidoscope. Twisting and turning, one curve turning into another, coming to a point, revealing itself to be a shoulder, a nipple, a hip.

I moved around the room and saw myself on all walls. Here, looking like three backup singers in impressive synchronicity. There, looking like one body as seen by a drunk three-eyed observer, gently rolling in and out of focus with herself.

A non-strip non-tease for an audience of herself plus water and fire. A sister goddess indeed.

Women Wipe Front To Back

21 Feb

Let’s talk about a very different kind of self-care: If you have a vagina, you should be wiping front to back.

A friend of mine was getting a bunch of UTIs and she got some great advice from *ahem* a friend:

You wipe front to back right?

What?

When you use the bathroom and you wipe, you wipe front to back?

No, how do you even do that?

I called my mom.

Can you imagine? She didn’t know to wipe front to back.

Yes, I didn’t know either.

What!? But I remember dad reminding me when I was a kid. The only memory I have of being potty trained is him telling me “your plumbing is internal so you wipe front to back.”

Yes. I didn’t know, I got a lot of infections, a doctor told me to wipe front to back. So when I had a kid I told your dad that we were gonna teach you that.

Every time I see a Gyno for a yeast infection we have this conversation:

Do you wipe front to back

YES! WHO DOESNT?!

So there you go. If your plumbing is internal you wipe front to back. You don’t want any fecal matter in those delicate ecosystems.

 

Vagina Dispatches

27 Dec

Know any young people in need of some clarification? Or any adults in need of a refresher course?

I like to think that I know a lot about how bodies work and I was shocked at some of this information.

Pass it on. Share the knowledge, share the love.

A Handful Is All You Need

6 Sep

I’m incredibly proud of my relationship with my body, especially my breasts. And why wouldn’t I be? They’re perfect. The left is called “Per” and the right is called “Fect”.

And nothing makes me feel more grateful, not for them so much as for my comfort with them, as this series from The Cut.

The slideshow is amazing.

In a long life breasts are many things to many people. Sexualized, ignored, too much, too little.

It rings so true that even though some of the notes disagree with each other, you can agree with all of them. One may be complaining about them weighing too much, and another can be about them feeling too small, and it’s possible to agree with both.

It gives you permission to feel whatever you do feel about them.

There are so many images of breasts in the world. If you have breasts it can feel like they’re always on display, for comment. Subject to someone else’s lens, typified by their own preferences.

There’s something so different about the only important qualifier being your personal feelings about your own personal body.

The Truth About The Hymen

28 Dec

I’m sure everyone has seen this already but it’s amazing.

Share it far and wide.

Striking You Like A Klimt

24 Apr

I know I mention Klimt a lot on here, but I just wanted to say,

I can look at your thigh and see a beautiful, force of nature.

And this artist could look at a woman and see the surface of a distant shimmering planet.

Water Serpents, by Gustav Klimt

It’s All About That Basin

10 Thoughts On Brushing (or not) My Teeth

12 Jan

OkCupid asks: How often do you brush your teeth? And I want there to be an “Almost twice a day” option. Because I almost do. Except when I forget once. Or twice.

I have a teeth cleaning coming up. She’s going to know all my secrets. I think I should take a few Ibuprofen before I get there.

Get out of bed. It’s 11 o’clock at night and if you don’t just do it soon then you’ll fall asleep before you get out of bed and then you’re gonna be really upset with yourself tomorrow morning.

No, you can’t have chocolate. If you have chocolate now then you’re going to have to get out of bed twice before you’re allowed to go to sleep and that’s all just too far away.

Do I even have toothpaste?

I forgot how much I hate mint. Why can’t toothpaste taste like chocolate? Then I’d brush my teeth a hundred times a day. My dentist would love me.

I think I just heard my roommate go to the bathroom. I should definitely not get up to brush my teeth now.

What if the bathroom tiles are cold?!

And now you absolutely can’t go brush your teeth because you just got an idea for something to write about. What if you went to brush your teeth and lost your train of thought and then never recovered that valuable material? The horror!

Jeez, there are some people who do this, happily, three times a day. People with really clean teeth. And probably really unhappy gums.

If you’re reading this then you’re not alone, you’re just probably a little gross; and should go brush your teeth. Unless you already did, in which case I’m jealous, because now I have to get up and brush mine.

You Look Like Nature

22 Oct

I love this so freaking much.

And this set.

I love any artistic reminder that my body is a part of nature, just as perfect as a planet or a star or the milky way.

I dearly wish that people would view their bodies as they view flowers…

Veins everywhere?

image

gorgeous~

Skin patches? Birthmarks?

image

hella rad~

Scars? Stretch marks?

image

beautiful~

Freckles? Moles? Acne scars?

image

heckie yeah~

Large? Curvy?

image

lovely~

Small? Thin?

image

charming~

Missing a few pieces?

image

handsome as ever~

Feel like you just look weird?

image

you’re fantastic looking~

Do you think that what makes you unique is a flaw? What nonsense. If you weren’t so specific then you’d be just like everyone else.

I’m gonna get really real on you guys here for a minute. I’m a Jewess with Jewess body hair. It’s something that I don’t do much about, I’d rather turn away guys who are turned off by that (and therefore me), than have to change myself for someone else in a way I don’t even enjoy.

However, as strongly as I feel about it, as much as I don’t intend to change it, I still battle with embarrassment about it every time I have a new partner. Even when a guy tells me he loves that quality about me I have a flash of insecurity about it. I doubt it’ll ever really go away (congratulations Gilette advertising team, you’ve internalized that shame in me forever).

One of my best friends runs the opposite way. She hates having any hair on her body. She actually just got a groupon for lazer hair removal (I should ask her how that’s going). She has the exact situation I prayed I had when I was in high school and starting to get naked with people. Every time we talk about it I get a pang of jealousy. Life must be so easy for her with no shame or fear about getting nakey with someone new.

“I’m really insecure about my labia. Guys have teased me because they’re too big.”

My jaw dropped.

And then I realized that having insecurities about your body isn’t special at all. Everyone has something that makes them feel as embarrassed as your chicken legs make you feel. So you don’t need to get over your insecurity. Try of course, but no need to beat yourself up for failing. Instead, next time you get that feeling think of the things your friends hate about their bodies but which you think are beautiful. And remember that this person thinks your legs are as beautiful as you think Rachel’s hair is.

I just remembered this story; I was seeing this guy who I thought was so cute. Gawky and awkward and smart and smiley. The first time i saw him with his shirt off I found a big scar on his chest. I asked him about it and apparently he needed heart surgery when he was a baby. He told me this story and for some reason imagining him as some helpless beautiful baby made me just want to take him in my arms and cover him in kisses all the more. “That’s so attractive” I said to him with a big smile on my face and a fresh kiss on our lips. The sigh of relief that came out of him surprised me. Who wouldn’t find such a thing sexy?

I’ve also been known to find intense vitiligo and half chopped off digits attractive. What can I say, I like flawed characters.

Lastly, I want to remind everyone that labia come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. There’s no need to make someone feel bad about their completely normal, healthy body. If you are having a hard time loving your large lips check out this tumblr, lovelargelabia.tumblr.com, it’s sure to make you feel better.

Never change, Beautiful.

Just ASK

11 Aug

One of my closest friends keeps saying things about her reproductive system that aren’t true. The other day we were complaining about periods and she said “It’s a dead egg.”

Nope.

While she tossed and turned like a 7-year-old refusing to listen to her mom I continued to explain to her that the fallopian tube which the egg travels down is only the size of three hairs, so the egg is tiny. And that it passes out of your body about 10 days before your period with your regular discharge and you don’t even notice it. Your period is the shedding of the uterine lining which the egg (if fertilized) could have implanted itself into and then became a zygote.

She pretended not to listen because it’s gross, but I know she did because it’s freaking interesting.

She thinks it’s not important to understand how her body works.

I suppose she thinks it’s embarrassing to have these conversations.

I think nothing could be more embarrassing than not knowing though.

“I had a patient come in for an STD check. She was very upset and continued to tell me that she only had one partner. Progressing through my assessment, she further divulged that even if he was sleeping with other people it shouldn’t matter ‘because he uses a condom every time and he makes sure to wash it thoroughly after every use’.”

“I had a couple who had been trying to conceive for over two years. I asked all the usual questions, how often do you have sex, any previous pregnancy, etc etc. Something seemed off to me during the consult, so I continued to ask questions. Finally I asked if he ejaculated while inserted into the vagina. Both parties looked confused. Turns out the couple was not having insertional sex at all. I had to awkwardly explain to them how insertional sex works. Diagrams were required.”

“Patient comes in, she’s upset. She’s pregnant, and she doesn’t understand why. She’s on the pill. Upon talking to her at great length, I find out that she only takes the pills on the days that she is sexually active – no other time.”

“Patient comes in with her bf. They are indignant, as if somehow I could’ve prevented [the pregnancy]. The problem? Well, the pills were bothering the girl’s stomach, so, being a gallant bf, he decided to start taking them instead.”

If any of these stories don’t make you chuckle then get thee to a sex ed professional now. And then go chastise your parents for voting for someone who supported abstinence only education in the district where you grew up.

Objects Can’t Bruise Themselves

2 Jul

Unpopular opinion: It makes me really mad when men are upset by my bruises.

I do a pretty physical job and I’m also pretty clumsy. I drop heavy equipment on my legs, bruise my knees crawling under stages and cut my hands open on aircraft cable. I get hurt using my body to do damn cool things.

And on a number of occasions men have approached me telling me how their biggest pet peeve is seeing a woman bruised or scarred, offering me tips about arnica and whatever other herbal remedies.

It’s not like I don’t know why they do it, they’re bragging about their protective capabilities. They’re anti-domestic violence. Well good on them. Way to clear a VERY LOW BAR.

This has always annoyed me. I get really proud of my injuries. They’re mine. Ask me about them. I’ll tell you the story of how I got them because I’m really cool and I got them doing really cool things.

I take pride in my bruises and scrapes so why should some guy get to have opinions about them? I realized the other day why these comments offend me so much.

If I meet a guy with scars and bruises I’m not going to assume it’s from a domestic spat with his wife. I’m going to assume it’s from something he actively did, snowboarding, dropping a leko on his head, misfiring a staple gun. But when that bouncer sees a bruise on me he also makes the assumption that it’s something done by a man. Because men do the doing.

This bouncer who daily commented on how upset my (well earned) bruises made him even saw me doing my job. He knew it was physical, that I was running around bumping into stuff and yet he still looked at me and thought “A lady shouldn’t be bruised.”

Once again I’m all for men who are anti-domestic violence, but I’m not getting in domestics with my boyfriends, I’m living my life in a world full of inconveniently placed coffee tables. There’s a difference, and apparently some men can’t imagine that.