You’ll Find Yourself Wherever You Go

I’m an extrovert. More than may be fashionable in my peergroup of millennials.

I spend a lot of time with people and that’s the way I like it.

but I took a trip recently and realized that what I most wanted was to get away from everyone in my life, not talk to a single person I already knew for 10 days and see if by the end of it I was the same person.

If ALL I have is me, do I choose to still be me? Do I change completely? Start wanting new things, having new dreams?

Am I only made up of the choices that have brought me to this point, or is there some essential self that will be the same no matter where I am?

How do I move without running?

Art, Bodies, Confidence

Nothing Makes Me Feel More Beautiful Than Paintings Of Women Lounging

Women in repose.

I think it reminds me that the artist found this sight beautiful enough to paint. And generations of people found it captivating.

And not only did the artist find her beautiful, but the artist found her as beautiful as the blue that is the shadow of her knee.

It’s a lovely blue that was chosen to express the loveliness of that knee. And an equally lovely pink to express the loveliness of her calf.

How lovely to remember that I can look at women every day and remember that they’re as lovely as my favorite shade of purple.

Maybe that’s the artist’s gift to society. To remind us that the things we don’t always look at are still beautiful.

Bodies, Confidence

How Do You See You?



I love this question. There’s a picture of me from when I was about 11 where I’m just looking at the camera and thinking nothing. It’s a picture of just my face and its hanging in my mothers hallway.

My hair isn’t that long anymore, nor my eyebrows that unkempt but when I am standing in line at CVS and a stranger looks at me, that picture is what I look like. Even if it was taken 15 years ago. I’m sure that in reality I don’t look like that anymore but in my head that’s just my face.

Except now the rest of me looks like this.

Bodies, Confidence

If He Drew Me I’d Be A Klimt

The other night I was in bed with a lovely fellow and I asked him to tell me what he liked about sleeping with women. I had been hanging out with a bi friend earlier in the day and it was on the brain.

He used some really unhelpful words to describe parts of my body like cute, pretty, hot and perfect.

I like specificity. I was unsatisfied.

So I demonstrated. I told him very specifically what I like about male bodies. Including descriptions about tastes, textures and smells. I used metaphors about fruits, topography, weather. I spoke an essay on male beauty. I wish I’d taped it.

And inspired by my stunning display of verbal gymnastics he improved the quality of his responses.

His answer was yet another example of a man in real life being very attracted to things which the media has been telling me men don’t like. If I had a nickel for every man who told me he liked thick thighs and hairy armpits. It makes me want to call Gilette and Jenny Craig like they’re old friends “Guy’s we’ve had it wrong this whole time! What kind of freaks were in your study group anyway?”

His words made me feel like art.

Rosy cheeked, lumpy thighed, bony fingered, hair askew, eyes sleepy.


Completely undeniably beautiful.

Bodies, Confidence, Self-Care, Sisterhood

You Look Like Nature

I love this so freaking much.

And this set.

I love any artistic reminder that my body is a part of nature, just as perfect as a planet or a star or the milky way.

I dearly wish that people would view their bodies as they view flowers…

Veins everywhere?



Skin patches? Birthmarks?


hella rad~

Scars? Stretch marks?



Freckles? Moles? Acne scars?


heckie yeah~

Large? Curvy?



Small? Thin?



Missing a few pieces?


handsome as ever~

Feel like you just look weird?


you’re fantastic looking~

Do you think that what makes you unique is a flaw? What nonsense. If you weren’t so specific then you’d be just like everyone else.

I’m gonna get really real on you guys here for a minute. I’m a Jewess with Jewess body hair. It’s something that I don’t do much about, I’d rather turn away guys who are turned off by that (and therefore me), than have to change myself for someone else in a way I don’t even enjoy.

However, as strongly as I feel about it, as much as I don’t intend to change it, I still battle with embarrassment about it every time I have a new partner. Even when a guy tells me he loves that quality about me I have a flash of insecurity about it. I doubt it’ll ever really go away (congratulations Gilette advertising team, you’ve internalized that shame in me forever).

One of my best friends runs the opposite way. She hates having any hair on her body. She actually just got a groupon for lazer hair removal (I should ask her how that’s going). She has the exact situation I prayed I had when I was in high school and starting to get naked with people. Every time we talk about it I get a pang of jealousy. Life must be so easy for her with no shame or fear about getting nakey with someone new.

“I’m really insecure about my labia. Guys have teased me because they’re too big.”

My jaw dropped.

And then I realized that having insecurities about your body isn’t special at all. Everyone has something that makes them feel as embarrassed as your chicken legs make you feel. So you don’t need to get over your insecurity. Try of course, but no need to beat yourself up for failing. Instead, next time you get that feeling think of the things your friends hate about their bodies but which you think are beautiful. And remember that this person thinks your legs are as beautiful as you think Rachel’s hair is.

I just remembered this story; I was seeing this guy who I thought was so cute. Gawky and awkward and smart and smiley. The first time i saw him with his shirt off I found a big scar on his chest. I asked him about it and apparently he needed heart surgery when he was a baby. He told me this story and for some reason imagining him as some helpless beautiful baby made me just want to take him in my arms and cover him in kisses all the more. “That’s so attractive” I said to him with a big smile on my face and a fresh kiss on our lips. The sigh of relief that came out of him surprised me. Who wouldn’t find such a thing sexy?

I’ve also been known to find intense vitiligo and half chopped off digits attractive. What can I say, I like flawed characters.

Lastly, I want to remind everyone that labia come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. There’s no need to make someone feel bad about their completely normal, healthy body. If you are having a hard time loving your large lips check out this tumblr,, it’s sure to make you feel better.

Never change, Beautiful.

Bodies, Confidence, Self-Care

I’m Perfect, The Garment Sucks

The other day I was shopping with my mom and tried on these overall-shorts things that looked really cute on the mannequin but not so much on me.

And she was like “You need those crazy butt-lift underwear for those shorts.”

To which I said, “My body is perfect, the garment is wrong.”

Lately when I go shopping that’s my favorite line. This garment is not sentient, I don’t have to worry about it’s feelings. It’s clearly not paying attention to me and my needs. it is wrong and a jerk and I have no place for it in my life. It is the weakest link, goodbye.

Bodies, Dating

And Everything Is Slightly Different From The Knowing

A friend of mine posted this the other day and I loved it.

I love watching guys put on condoms

Because every guy does it differently

I love having that little moment to watch and learn some little thing that he doesn’t know he’s showing me.

Does he turn his back?

Does he stand or sit?

Does he come to the bed and then put it on,

Or put it on wherever he got it and then walk over to the bed?

Does he smile and keep engaging with me, or is he absorbed in the task?

And he comes back to me and we kiss and everything is slightly different from the knowing. [x]

A lot of my friends hate dealing with condoms but to me there’s this quality of intimacy to it. It’s like the first moment you get to see what kind of underwear your partner likes to wear and they’re tiny plaid because they’re just for him, he’s not showing them off or anything.

I didn’t realize before that you like to treat yourself to the soft kind. I didn’t know you love to cook yourself really nice meals even though you have no money. I didn’t know you like candles. I didn’t know you were going to look so cute while doing that thing you love and enjoy.

I feel the same way about watching a guy shave. There’s something so intimate in watching him stare into the mirror and slowly drag a razor past his adams apple.

Bodies, Confidence, Self-Care, Sex

What Gets You Through

Last month I spent some time with a guy I have a bit of history with and he basically told me that while I was very attractive, he likes girls who like to wax or shave, often. And a most miraculous thing happened. I felt nothing. Or, more accurately, I thought, “For you I’m supposed to put in that much effort? Fat chance.”

I didn’t think, “THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY EMBARRASSING!” which is exactly what High School Me would have thought before burrowing under the covers, putting on all her clothes plus a coat and hiding in the bathroom and crying.

I didn’t even think “I can do better” which is what One-Year-Ago Me would have thought.

This interaction was exactly what I had spent my entire post-pubescent life fearing and when it finally happened I felt a strange mix of apathy and self-confidence.

This is the way I like my body and if it isn’t the way you like it then I’m not gonna change it, but you can go find another one. Free country. No judgement. No harm, no foul.

Then I asked him if I could write about this and he said he’d be surprised if I didn’t. Ah, friendship.

Also, this. I know that people are allowed to have preferences about whatever they want. Just ask all the guys I didn’t date because they had short haircuts or perfect tiny noses or a habit of breathing on me, however, health, it’s important.

Sometimes it’s the strangest things that make you get over huge hurdles, or realize that you’re there already.

Art, Deviant/Default, Media, Rape

New York’s Girls, Baby Feet and The Perils of Female Self-Esteem

Last week a friend sent me a link to this article which pretty accurately called out the uselessness of this NYC ad campaign.

To be fair, when I saw the ads on the subway my first thought was, “Cool, way to prove you’re actually throwing money at the problem of low female self-esteem.” quickly followed by “to what extent?”

The ad’s are sort of meh. Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that a group of people decided that NYC girls were a smart use of resources but what exactly are we telling them. A big old dose of “You’re a girl and you’re beautiful the way you are.” Doesn’t that just taste like a full packet of Sweet-N-Low dumped in a can of Coke Zero? Overly saccharine and fake as hell?

What about something interesting? Something different.

What if instead of telling girls “You’re a girl and you’re beautiful. You’re welcome for me saying it.” we just allowed them to feel wonderful.

What if instead of trying to boost girls self esteem by telling them why they’re “Beautiful” (maybe they don’t want to be “beautiful,” it’s a really heavy word in our culture) we just remind them of a time when they felt incredible about themselves, all on their own.

We could run these images with facts like:

  • By 1990 the average age that a girl began dieting had dropped to eight from fourteen in 1970.
  • Roughly one half of girls in 4th grade are on diets.
  • According to a study from the University of Central Florida, nearly 50% of girls aged three to six were already concerned about their weight.
  • A study showed that women experience an average of 13 negative thoughts about their body each day, while 97% of women admit to having at least one “I hate my body” moment each day.
  • Four out of five women in the U.S. are unhappy with their appearance.
  • 81% of ten-year-old girls experience a fear of being fat.
  • 42% of 1st through 3rd grade girls say they wish they were thinner.
  • Every year, the average adolescent sees over 5,000 advertisements mentioning attractiveness.
  • A People magazine survey showed that 80% of female respondents felt that women in movies and television programs made them feel insecure about their bodies. [x]

“Remember, your body is magic.”

Or maybe just, “Deflate rapist’s boners, inspire confidence in your daughter.” (more on that when the smoke stops coming out of my ears).

In short, this quote might be the best description I’ve found yet.

“Love your body the way your mother loved your baby feet.”
– Mary Lambert

Why did your mother love your baby feet? Because they contained all the potential of you. She loved imagining how they would carry you to all the places you would want to go. They didn’t define you but she loved them for just being part of the magnificence that was you.

Your body is just a part of you that takes you where you need to go and brings you back and that can be loved just for doing that job as well as it can.

Art, Bodies, Media, Sex

Oh Joy, Sex Toy!

I’m gonna review a review! Or a reviewer! Something like that.

Let’s all get acquainted with

I heard about Oh Joy from XoJane, where I hear about almost everything cool lately. I’m severely unhip, you see.

And so is Oh Joy! In the best possible way.

Oh Joy manages to pack into one page all the information it seems you’ll need about whatever Erika Moen wants to talk about that day. Whether that is her Hitachi Magic Wand, A Fleshlightthe birth control implant, or a strap on harness.

And I only mention those specific ones because they’re the first few I’ve read.

There are a few really cool things I like about Oh Joy.

First the variety of things Erika talks about. Wanna talk about reusable menstrual cups, sure, couples sex toys, no problem, rope bondage, lets give it a go. There is something for everyone. And that’s just how sexual expression in media should be.

Second, it’s not always her voice. There are things that she can’t review with her vagina alone and she has a husband and neighbors and friends for that. Erika Moen seems to live in a sex positive bubble where she’s ‘out’ about her blog to everyone and when she’s sick she can call up a friend to cover for her and put something about themselves on the internet for her. And I’m really jealous of this.

Third, the masturbateers. Erika, instead of drawing herself getting down, (right, did I mention this is a comic so everything reviewed is reviewed visually?) draws this beautifully varied cast of characters. I love a lot of things about this. One, the bodies come in all shapes and sizes just like real bodies do. Two, I like imagining that she imagines herself in a variety of bodies when she’s reviewing things, like she’s Mystique from X-Men and just shifts through. Sometimes I kinda do that and I like to imagine other people do too.

Basically I’m really excited to read the rest of OhJoySexToy. And to one day meet Erika Moen and live in the magical sex positivity bubble with her. Just think of the fun we’ll have!