Bodies, Dating, Feelings, Hope

Grateful To Be Reading rupi

I’m obsessed with poet/artist/feminist/tear-jerker rupi kaur.

I ordered her book Milk and Honey and am waiting for a quiet moment so I can read it and cry.

In the meantime I stalk her blog.


What beauty. What love. What a terrible world, what a beautiful world she reveals in this world.

My mother texted me last week,

I just realized you’re a millennial. How does that make you feel?

It doesn’t make me feel anything. It’s a buzzword and the definition of it seems to expand by the day.

But knowing that I have something in common with an artist like rupi, even if it’s just the assumption that we have to be somewhat similar in age makes me really proud. It makes me proud to be in a generation with artists who I trust to speak on my behalf.


Is This My Art Form?

I work in theater. I’m in the business of making art. But anyone who knows me will tell you that my greatest skill is communication. I’m good at writing emails, using my hands, words and face to express what is going well and what isn’t. I’m not perfect at it, I’m not even close to being one of the best. But I’m good at it.

I’m good at making people feel wanted, feel loved, comfortable, free to be themselves.

Free to have flaws, questions, comments, concerns. Fears, bad memories.

Cheesy as it sounds, sometimes I think that the only real art I can make on my own is the art of loving people and making them feel accepted. Maybe that’s the true art in communicating.

And maybe it’s why I’ve been craving a creative outlet since my last relationship ended. Maybe that’s why I’ve felt so unable to make anything beautiful.

Art, Bodies, Confidence

Nothing Makes Me Feel More Beautiful Than Paintings Of Women Lounging

Women in repose.

I think it reminds me that the artist found this sight beautiful enough to paint. And generations of people found it captivating.

And not only did the artist find her beautiful, but the artist found her as beautiful as the blue that is the shadow of her knee.

It’s a lovely blue that was chosen to express the loveliness of that knee. And an equally lovely pink to express the loveliness of her calf.

How lovely to remember that I can look at women every day and remember that they’re as lovely as my favorite shade of purple.

Maybe that’s the artist’s gift to society. To remind us that the things we don’t always look at are still beautiful.

Bodies, Confidence

How Do You See You?



I love this question. There’s a picture of me from when I was about 11 where I’m just looking at the camera and thinking nothing. It’s a picture of just my face and its hanging in my mothers hallway.

My hair isn’t that long anymore, nor my eyebrows that unkempt but when I am standing in line at CVS and a stranger looks at me, that picture is what I look like. Even if it was taken 15 years ago. I’m sure that in reality I don’t look like that anymore but in my head that’s just my face.

Except now the rest of me looks like this.

Bodies, Confidence

If He Drew Me I’d Be A Klimt

The other night I was in bed with a lovely fellow and I asked him to tell me what he liked about sleeping with women. I had been hanging out with a bi friend earlier in the day and it was on the brain.

He used some really unhelpful words to describe parts of my body like cute, pretty, hot and perfect.

I like specificity. I was unsatisfied.

So I demonstrated. I told him very specifically what I like about male bodies. Including descriptions about tastes, textures and smells. I used metaphors about fruits, topography, weather. I spoke an essay on male beauty. I wish I’d taped it.

And inspired by my stunning display of verbal gymnastics he improved the quality of his responses.

His answer was yet another example of a man in real life being very attracted to things which the media has been telling me men don’t like. If I had a nickel for every man who told me he liked thick thighs and hairy armpits. It makes me want to call Gilette and Jenny Craig like they’re old friends “Guy’s we’ve had it wrong this whole time! What kind of freaks were in your study group anyway?”

His words made me feel like art.

Rosy cheeked, lumpy thighed, bony fingered, hair askew, eyes sleepy.


Completely undeniably beautiful.

Art, Dating, Queer, Relationships, Religion

Moldy Lemons Into Delicious Lemonade

I found this gem on tumblr the other day. Such a beautiful reaction to hate.

Recently my grandmother found out I’m queer. Her response was to tell me that she disapproves of me living with my “friend” (i.e. my girlfriend) and that I should give up my vile queer ways and become a Christian (Lol). She even sent me a bible.  Here are its remains, which I made into black-out poetry.

Poem 1: Bisexual (from Leviticus 19:9)— “Have sexual relations with her.  Have sexual relations with him.  Have sexual relations with both a woman and a man.  Have sexual relations with yourself. Vomit on everyone who does not respect you.”

Poem 2:Fisting (from Judges 8:5)— “water/ lap the water/ drink/go down to drink/your hands/go down/I give into your hands/go down/encouraged/down/on the seashore/the whole hand/your hand/inside/I get to the edge/and shout/grasping/crying out/Beth/Beth/Beth/Beth/Beth/God/I came”

Poem 3:A Letter to the Exiles (from Jeremiah 28:13) — “Ze said: ‘Do not let lies name you, nor harm your heart. Gather. Raise the sword against them. They scorn and reproach, for they have not listened— again and again have not listened.’ “

Poem 4:Child (from Ezekiel 16:22) — “Your father and your mother rubbed salt in. No one looked on you with pity or had compassion enough for you, for on the day you were born you were despised. Live! Grow.  I looked at you and saw you were enough.”

Poem 5:Father (from Ezekiel 16:22) — “You never adored us. You became very angry. You took some out on us. Your sons and daughters were not enough? You slaughtered— in all your detestable practices— our youth.”

Poem 6: Misandry (from Acts 27:41) — “Dangerous men should be broken.”

Her grandmother might not be a big fan but I certainly am.

Gender, Hope, Rights

A Time Of Hope And Baking

Sometimes I find things that give me hope. They aren’t particularly connected to the normal FemaleGazing material but they make me feel things, and in a way that is the entire point of FemaleGazing.

Usually I just hold on to them and try to share them with my friends but I’m going to share this one with you. Just because.

Andrew Solomon

Einstein and his therapist. “Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.” -Hemingway

And, completely unrelated, here is another story, a favorite for a friend and me. The second story is such a keeper. Are you a baker too?

Erin Barker

Art, Media, Relationships

Whitney Annoys Her Boyfriend

I came across an article the other day called “Can Whitney Survive it’s Ad Campaign?”  And honestly whenever I see the ad’s for her show all I can think of is ‘Why is this guy with her?  I wouldn’t even be friends with her crazy butt.  Why would I watch a show about her being annoying and screwing everything up for 30 minutes?’

I can’t figure out quite who the show is aimed at.  It’s written by a woman so I’d imagine it’s for women if not women and men.  But I also feel like the audience is meant to be sitting there nudging their friends and saying ‘see, chicks are crazy!’

So why is this female comedian creating a show all about how she’s a crazy chick?  Cause it’ll sell?

Why are we selling a show based on a premise of ‘Lets watch this crazy chick try to piss off her boyfriend!’  I have enough friends in actually messed up relationships thank you very much.

Lets compare the images of Whitney pissing off her boyfriend to these of Paul Newman being ridiculously in love with his real life wife, Joanne Woodward.

So let me ask.  Which would you rather watch Whitney Is Annoying or Paul and Joanne Are Ridiculously in Love and Kind to Each Other For 50 Years of Marriage?

Art, Bodies, Man Meat, Media, Obedience, Sex, Sexuality

The Most Beautiful Man I’ve Ever Not Met

You have to question a cinematic culture which preaches artistic expression, and yet would support a decision that is clearly a product of a patriarchy-dominant society, which tries to control how women are depicted on screen. The MPAA is okay supporting scenes that portray women in scenarios of sexual torture and violence for entertainment purposes, but they are trying to force us to look away from a scene that shows a woman in a sexual scenario, which is both complicit and complex. It’s misogynistic in nature to try and control a woman’s sexual presentation of self. I consider this an issue that is bigger than this film. … There is something very distorted about this reality that they’ve created, which is that it is OK to torture women on screen. Any kind of violence towards women in a sexual scenario is fine. But give a woman pleasure? No way. Not a chance. That’s pornography.
— Ryan Gosling, actor and feminist, in a letter protesting the NC-17 rating of Blue Valentine. The rating was based on one consensual sex scene. (viasnowstorminjuly) (via blaisingfeminist)

Alright so I’ve never been one of those girls who thinks Ryan Gosling is gold (unless he’s presented to me shirtless and then I cannot resist the sparkly perfectness of his -ness) but as Amy Pond says in Doctor Who.

You know when, sometimes you meet someone so beautiful, and then you actually talk to them and five minutes later, they’re as dull as a brick? Then there’s other people, and you meet them and you think, ‘Not bad; they’re okay.’ And then you get to know them, and their face sort of becomes them, like their personality is written all over it. And they just turn into something so beautiful. Rory’s the most beautiful man I’ve ever met.
~Amy Pond (The Girl Who Waited)

And Ryan Gosling just became just about the most beautiful man I’ve ever not met.  In honor of that here are some hot pictures of him.

So thanks Ryan.  That’s what you get for being awesome.  Some serious adoration.