Peanut, Peanut Butter And Jelly

I shouldn’t be surprised by the fact that in my life the most right-wing group is Parents of my Friends.

My friends are largely white people who grew up in Not-NYC (my pet name for the part of America west of the Hudson River) and left their family to come here. It makes sense that the families they left behind might be… behind.

I love this video for it’s simplicity.

But also for it’s implication that this video is for the parents of adults. Because they need help.

Politics, Protest, Rights

Lets Limp Along

I’m trying to find something, some piece of resistance that I can do consistently without going crazy. Because feeling like I’m accomplishing something makes me feel good, but feeling like I’m clawing my way uphill certainly does not.

I donate monthly to the organizations listed here. That helped when I signed up for them. And it helps me sleep on days where I feel like I contributed nothing to society. I was sick and drank tea all day, I didn’t go to any meetings, call any senators or even go exercise.

I bought a stack of postcards to send to my congressmen. It actually made me feel better. I ignored the scripts I found online and spoke from the heart, using my best guilting-jewish-grandmother tone.

Senator, I was really disappointed to hear that you voted yes on that bill. I hope that you can be more representative of your constituents in the future so that I can be proud to vote for you next time around.

Affixing a superwoman stamp to each one.

But reading the updates, what’s coming up for a vote, what’s on the chopping block, what I should be reacting to and writing about, it’s more than I can do once a week. And the phone calls, I’m not sure I can do the phone calls.

It’s a disheartening time to be young and passionate in America. It makes me long to be young and passionate somewhere else. It’s a tough time for values that wouldn’t be classified as “religious right.” Or alt-right.

Media, Rights

Suffragette Trailer

Anyone else need a good 2 minute Monday morning cry?

I’m typing with a mosquito bite on the pad of my pinky finger, what’s your excuse?

I think one of the best redeeming factors of being an older woman in hollywood must be getting do be in historical films. Real events had older women present, usually front and center. Even when the creators of RomCom’s and action movies can’t be trusted to imagine them.

Deviant/Default, Rights, Sanity

Believe Women

I just literally gasped and teared up during a YouTube video about female ejaculation.

The question isn’t if female ejaculation is real. It’s why you don’t trust women to tell you.

I don’t have a personal investment in female ejaculation. I can’t do it so what do I care? But I do have a personal investment in people trusting women to describe and report their experiences.

I’m tired of people not believing women who report rapes. I’m tired of doctors not believing women’s own accounts of their symptoms and timelines.

Believe women. Believe them in all things.

Yes, a tiny number of people lie about being raped, but almost all rapists lie about raping.

Believing Victims Is the First Step to Stopping Rape – NYTimes.com


Abortion, Media, Rights


So of course I went to ladypartsjustice.com and watched far too much of it even though it was midnight and I had an interview in the morning. My favorite part was John Fugelsang’s bit around minute 13 in the second part of the video.

So save the date for September 28th. Put it in your google cal like I did. And we’ll have a party or something. We’ll celebrate our rights to vote and seek legal medical procedures. I don’t know. We’ve got 9 months to think of something. If people can figure out what to name a kid in less time than that I’m sure we can plan a little party to celebrate our lady parts and their justice.

Abortion, Abuse, Bodies, Dating, Rights, Sex, Sexism

Now That I’ve Spent Some Time Looking For NSA Sex I Can Tell You Some Things I Look For

Air conditioning. You’re all the heating I need. It’s summer in New York. Enough said.

Good judgement. Have condoms, carry them and insist on using them. Suggest meeting in public. Be the guy who proves he has nothing to hide by being willing to prove he has nothing to hide. Make me comfortable.

If I acknowledge that you will never be my primary partner, acknowledge it too. If I say I don’t want to be in a romantic relationship with you, then I mean it. This isn’t a romantic comedy. Listen to the words coming out of my mouth. I mean them.

Be honest if you’re getting in over your head. Thought you could handle this but realized it isn’t for you? That is so completely okay. Thank you for being honest with me, it’s a quality I look for in my friends and everyone I allow into my life. I respect you so much more for it. Wanna meet my friend Amy? She’s really cute and just made of girlfriend material.

Ask lots of questions about what I want/like. Let’s be clear with each other. If we’re all in this to have a good time then let’s have the best time we can have. In fact I’d ideally like us to be as clear and specific with how we’re feeling as my friend is here describing his self-induced pain.

And I want you to be OK with me laughing at you like he is with me putting this up here to be laughed at by all our friends.

Know that my body is mine to do who and what I please. My body, my choice. You certainly have the right to know how much other company I keep but though you have the right to be kept in the loop and though your concerns will be considered I make all choices concerning my body.

Be a person who makes this world safe for women. Dan savage had a rant on episode 345 of his podcast (it’s the first 8 or so minutes of the podcast so go listen) where he talked about how the best way for men to get a hold of No Strings Attached sex is to combat rape culture. Also, I transcribed the following myself so do me a favor and read it.

“Men are scary, men are dangerous. And we live in a sexist misogynistic violent culture where women are abused with impunity… Most women are too smart to take those kinds of risks. Not that some dont want to… if you want there to be more women out there in the world who are up for a casual hookup or a one-night-stand, or a rando encounter, or a fantasy fulfillment session, you should work to combat rape culture. You should work to combat violence that targets women, you should work against prevailing attitudes of so many other straight guys in your orbit who say sexist shitty, rapey things about women.

Every time they do that it really negatively impacts your ability to get laid. It really does. If what you want is a rando, impulsive, YOLO encounter, rape culture, rapey attitudes, shitty things men do and say about women when women aren’t around, that blocks you. That cock-blocks you. If what you want is for straight women to be a little bit freer, a little bit more like gay men, you should combat rape culture.

Of course you should care about this shit whether or not your dick gets wet. I care about this shit and I’m not trying to get my dick into any ladies at all. Right? I care about there being less violence, less sexual violence, less rape, less unplanned pregnancies, less poor women denied access to abortion when they need abortions because I care about women. Even though I don’t want to get my dick wet in a woman.

If you love women, if you’re attracted to women you should really care about this shit. Regardless of whether it gets your dick wet in the end. But guys push back hard against rape culture, make the world safer for women. A world where women aren’t raped, aren’t a target for sexual violence, aren’t abused by their partners, aren’t slut-shamed when they do choose to be sexually active. You are likelier to get laid in that world. And your female friends, relatives, daughters, sisters, wives, less likely to be raped. There’s a lot in it for you pushing back against this shit.

And when I say you should combat rape culture I don’t mean you just stand there going “oh, yeah, rape is bad” whenever there’s a woman around or a woman in the room… you should be “rape is bad” to your male friends because again, when straight guys encourage this culture of regarding women as only objects- I’m pro-“people are objects” at times. I’m pro-objectification. We all want to be objects now and then but we are not all only objects, none of us is only an object. Even the people we objectify shouldn’t always only be objects to us. But if you dont speak up when women are objectified in violent and nasty and degrading and demeaning ways, that’s gonna interfere with your ability to get your dick wet. Wanna get your dick wet more often? Speak up for and defend women… Speak up for all women if you wanna get your dick wet. There’s something in it for you.

-Dan Savage [x]

Gender, Hope, Rights

A Time Of Hope And Baking

Sometimes I find things that give me hope. They aren’t particularly connected to the normal FemaleGazing material but they make me feel things, and in a way that is the entire point of FemaleGazing.

Usually I just hold on to them and try to share them with my friends but I’m going to share this one with you. Just because.

Andrew Solomon

Einstein and his therapist. “Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.” -Hemingway

And, completely unrelated, here is another story, a favorite for a friend and me. The second story is such a keeper. Are you a baker too?

Erin Barker

Rights, Sexuality

Acceptance Has No Exceptions

The other day I ran up a set of stairs and I almost died.

Well, that’s how I felt at least. No one ever told me I’d get so old so young.

That isn’t the point. When I got to the top of the stairs my date was waiting there for me, laughing and holding the door open as I tumbled into the train car. And for a moment I wanted to throw myself into his arms and thank my lucky stars that I didn’t break a hip or have a heart attack or something. And then, because my brain is a strange and non-romantic place, this popped into my head instead.

youareanobject:imalittleyellowfish:(via pieceofsoul, chelseymathews)A moment I would stare at without realizing I was staring and thinking things like ‘straight people just…do straight things…and everybody’s just okay with it’ and they would pretend not to notice me staring. Then I’d see something shiny and we’d both forget it ever happened.i’m okay with straight people as long as they act gay in publicRIGHT ONEDUMBJOKE?



A moment I would stare at without realizing I was staring and thinking things like ‘straight people just…do straight things…and everybody’s just okay with it’ and they would pretend not to notice me staring. Then I’d see something shiny and we’d both forget it ever happened.

i’m okay with straight people as long as they act gay in public

‘straight people just…do straight things…and everybody’s just okay with it’

I thought about how easy it would be to throw myself into his arms, how in a few weeks when he’s more entrenched in my life maybe I’ll really want to do that… often. How maybe I’ll want to do it so badly I’ll hardly be able to stop myself. How hard it must be to feel that way and always have to stop yourself.

And so instead of throwing myself into his arms I tried to steady my heartbeat and catch my breath and I got really sad.  I got really sad at the depravity of the world we live in. A world where every day people can have that overwhelming need to throw themselves at their loved ones and then recognize that same need in others and deny it to them. It seems I get really sad on the subway a lot lately.