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Menstrual Cups and Self-Ed

11 Apr

I would really like for my menstrual cup to be good at catching blood.

It was sold to me as “12 hours, no leaks!” but my experience so far has been a non-stop stain-a-thon. Every once in a while I emerge from the bathroom “This time it’s going to be different. This time I finally figured it out!” but it never seems to stick.

People keep asking me why I’m still trying to make it work after 5 years of constant failure.

Answer number one is simple and true “I really would like my period to be a carbon neutral event. I don’t like constantly buying and throwing away tampons. I need a better solution.”

But the deeper answer is something I didn’t expect.

This month in trying to get the damn thing to work I discovered that my cervix is more conical than the donut shape I always imagined it as.

And you know how in books they say your cervix will “feel like the tip of your nose” [x]

It totally does! It feels exactly like the tip of your nose!

How cool is that?!

So, my menstrual cup might suck at being a menstrual cup, but it’s pretty great at making me think about bodies in a new way. And so for that I’ll be grateful. And that’s even better.

Traveling Periods

22 Mar

I’m gonna be traveling this summer.

Just in case you will be too.

More rupi Love

9 Dec

And let me not forget to mention that the talented and graceful rupi is also the artist behind this

wonderful display of femininity and courage to “demystify the period and make something that is innate ‘normal’ again.”

I will not apologise for not feeding the ego and pride of misogynist society that will have my body in an underwear but not be ok with a small leak when your pages are filled with countless photos/accounts where women (so many who are underage) are objectified, pornified, and treated less than human.

Role model.

Kiran Gandhi And Period Shame

14 Aug

Woman Runs London Marathon Without a Tampon, Bleeds Freely to Raise Awareness

I cry.

Don’t ask me why.

When I was in high school I have a vivid memory of sitting on a particular male friends lap and standing up to find a red spot the size of a quarter on his leg. Just conjuring up that memory while sitting here alone in my living room leaves me hot in the face with shame.

Generally I enjoyed my high school experience but that tough learning curve about exactly how long I could leave a tampon in was brutal.

There is nothing like seeing someone move through the world so shame-free concerning something you have so much anxiety about. It makes me want to hug and kiss her entire face.

The really amazing thing is that in the last few years it’s become clearer and clearer that straight guys that are worth their salt don’t really care about periods. God forbid a little blood comes up, it’s always me freaking out and him telling me to relax, it’s not a big deal. It’s amazing what shame can do.

So thanks Kiran Gandhi, my personal hero for the day.

Just ASK

11 Aug

One of my closest friends keeps saying things about her reproductive system that aren’t true. The other day we were complaining about periods and she said “It’s a dead egg.”

Nope.

While she tossed and turned like a 7-year-old refusing to listen to her mom I continued to explain to her that the fallopian tube which the egg travels down is only the size of three hairs, so the egg is tiny. And that it passes out of your body about 10 days before your period with your regular discharge and you don’t even notice it. Your period is the shedding of the uterine lining which the egg (if fertilized) could have implanted itself into and then became a zygote.

She pretended not to listen because it’s gross, but I know she did because it’s freaking interesting.

She thinks it’s not important to understand how her body works.

I suppose she thinks it’s embarrassing to have these conversations.

I think nothing could be more embarrassing than not knowing though.

“I had a patient come in for an STD check. She was very upset and continued to tell me that she only had one partner. Progressing through my assessment, she further divulged that even if he was sleeping with other people it shouldn’t matter ‘because he uses a condom every time and he makes sure to wash it thoroughly after every use’.”

“I had a couple who had been trying to conceive for over two years. I asked all the usual questions, how often do you have sex, any previous pregnancy, etc etc. Something seemed off to me during the consult, so I continued to ask questions. Finally I asked if he ejaculated while inserted into the vagina. Both parties looked confused. Turns out the couple was not having insertional sex at all. I had to awkwardly explain to them how insertional sex works. Diagrams were required.”

“Patient comes in, she’s upset. She’s pregnant, and she doesn’t understand why. She’s on the pill. Upon talking to her at great length, I find out that she only takes the pills on the days that she is sexually active – no other time.”

“Patient comes in with her bf. They are indignant, as if somehow I could’ve prevented [the pregnancy]. The problem? Well, the pills were bothering the girl’s stomach, so, being a gallant bf, he decided to start taking them instead.”

If any of these stories don’t make you chuckle then get thee to a sex ed professional now. And then go chastise your parents for voting for someone who supported abstinence only education in the district where you grew up.

Best Tampon Ads Of The Summer

30 Aug

Is it just me or does it seem like this piece of gold

is almost a reaction to this gem?

So wonderful.

Can all tampon ads include these words? Please?

• PERIOD
• RED
• GYNO
• MENSTRUATION
• VADGE!
• VAGINA!!!!!

 

A Conversation With My Uterus, Currently Shedding It’s Lining

19 Jul

Me: *curled up in bed, clutching my stomach* WWWWAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Uterus: *knitting on the couch* What?

Me: Wwwhhhhyyy???

Uterus: Because I can.

Me: But what did I do to you?

Uterus: Well yesterday you did eat chocolate.

Me: Want me to puke it up?

Uterus: Meh, it won’t help.

Me: WWWWAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Uterus: Moaning won’t help either.

Me: What will help? What can I do to make your life easier?

Uterus: Well I can tell you right now that being snarky will not help.

Me: Fantastic. Thrilled to hear it.

Uterus: You’ll just have to wait. You get 27 days a month and I get 1.

Me: You’re mean.

Uterus: *shrugs* Should I be offended?

Me: I hate you.

Uterus: I don’t care.

Me: I hate you.

Uterus: I still don’t care.

Me: I’m going to puke on you.

Uterus: Still really not my problem.

Me: ARRGGHH!!