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Nobody Ever Explains This To Guys

11 Oct

“Nobody ever explains this to guys!”

Half of emotional intelligence is learned behavior. Raise boys and girls the same and you’ll have a whole generation of people who can communicate more honestly.

Waxing My Legs

4 Oct

I’ve been waxing my legs lately.

I’m finding that the part when my legs are hairless isn’t even my favorite part. My favorite part is that I finally feel comfortable wearing a dress with hairy legs.


The rule is that you have to let the hair get long enough to pull out so there are days when it’s… long enough to pull out. And on those days, if it’s hot outside then that’s the right answer.

And that feels great enough every day to make up for 30 minutes once every few weeks.

The Most Important Thing That Happened Today

27 Sep

Leadership A La You

22 Sep

I simultaneously love and hate viewing women’s place in society through this lens. I think that the overarching point that Ezra is avoiding making (or perhaps doesn’t think of making) is that this problem: the skills we train women in, like listening, can be incredibly effective in all sectors but are undervalued in industries that are male dominated by choice or by history.

Men can learn to appreciate those qualities, exercise them, and value the leadership skills of women.

Also, women can see the weaknesses in leaning too heavily on those skills and learn to back them up with qualities we more value more in men; oration, clarity and the funneling of ideas.

There were a lot of moments in this video where I felt kinship with her. Either for myself or for women I know.

I hope she wins. I’ll be doing my part to make it happen. I look forward to seeing the changes, the progress, and also what all of us can learn from what happens in that time.

Melania Trump And The Temptation Of Slut Shaming

11 Aug

I just saw the pictures of Melania Trump. All of Melania Trump.

And I was immediately struck with a conundrum. I wanted to point to it, “This is the face you want on the white house? This is how you define Republican, family first values?”

Followed immediately by Dan Savage’s voice in my head about Anthony Weiner. Most young people today are taking pictures of themselves, the technology is just too accessible. Most people try pot. If you want to have leaders who aren’t amish then you need to be ok with the fact that they’re human and have pasts.

And then I hated myself for slut shaming her.

And then I decided that if throwing this in the face of the right wing sways one vote then posting it will have been worth it.

So I did. I put it on Facebook. And immediately felt guilty. Within a few hours I took it down.

I don’t want to use slut shaming just because it actually works in my favor this time around. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not human enough to have thought about it. A lot.

Be A Good Citizen

5 Aug

I am so sick of conversations about how men should be “Gentlemen.” Wouldn’t it be better if all people were just good citizens?

For example, if you’re on a bus and there is a lot of luggage to take off, wouldn’t it be better for everyone if we defaulted to letting the people who get off the bus first take off their own bags and the ones near to them rather than wanting the few men there are to take off all the bags? Maybe the men are not going to be off the bus quickly because they were asleep or in the back or sitting in window seats.

I promise that you can carry your own bag, young lady. You’ll feel so good afterwards. Your muscles may ache a bit but I promise it’ll pass.

And in the same way that a guy putting gel in his hair won’t make him less of a man, you carrying your own bag won’t make you any less of a woman.

It’ll make everything move faster. It’ll make the whole project more effective, It’ll make at least one person in the room *raises hand* respect you more.

If we say that everyone should pitch in according to their ability then everyone gets more out of it.

And I refuse to believe that the men are not the only people with ability.

New Mantra: You Are Caramelized Onions

14 Jan

So I met this lovely guy and upon our first meeting things got physical.

Afterwards, we talked for a while, realized, who knows, this could be a real thing, lets exchange numbers and hang out sometime.

And for a week he pestered me to come over.

Why don’t we go out, get tea or something?

Or I could come over. Late.

And I kinda lost it.

I told a friend the whole story.

He has already had the greatest dessert in the world
and wants seconds
before dinner
To which my response was:
I’m pretty sure my friend thought I was mad at him. I’m not mad at him, I’m mad that I made the same analogy in my head.

I think that every dating person (maybe just every person) has a thing that their lizard brain is afraid of, your body is the only part of you anyone has ever loved all the way up to you’re too ugly/fat/short/tall to be deserving of love. A thing that lurks there in the back of your mind leeching that feeling into your body and waiting for words to put to it. And as soon as you feed it such a phrase it grows to 5 times it’s size and takes up residence in your inner ear, flooding your brain with it’s particular brand of sweet sweet nothings.

My personality isn’t broccoli, my vagina isn’t ice cream. All of me is caramelized onions, delicious in every way.

But when I scream that at the lizard she doesn’t cower, I need a sentence that can put the lizard back in her cage. I’ll never be rid of her but I can learn to be louder than her.

The lizard is your friend, but a little scary, too. She lurks deep within, operating on millennia of aggregated evolutionary knowledge, so she remembers a lot. Like how for thousands of generations, women required strong relationships with strong men in order to simply survive. How, without someone to protect them, our foremothers were vulnerable in every way. How dearly so many of them suffered for it.

So when a liberated modern gal such as yourself contemplates leaving a romantic relationship, even a middling-to-shitty one, the lizard feels she is honor-bound to make you stop, to get right up in your face and scream stuff like you’ll never do better and you’re not getting any younger and you’re lucky to have anyone at all and any man is better than no man and THESE ARE FACTS DAMMIT!

Now, given what she’s seen, her reaction is completely understandable. But it screws up your life, too! Because she ensures that even here in the future that is now, and even when you know you’d be far better off on your own, it still feels like the act of breaking up might actually kill you.

… it slithers up from the the dankest sub-basement of consciousnes and demands our attention whether we like it or not. And if we want to be able to operate rationally in this realm, to have enough faith to let go of bad stuff so we can find better stuff, we have to learn how to handle it.

Thankfully, this can be done! How? You just never let the lizard be in charge. She is trying to protect you in her loving creepy way, so hear her out and be sweet to her and maybe give her some nice bugs to eat. But don’t forget that she is willing to make tradeoffs that you are not. Really awful tradeoffs. For her, any man really is better than no man, and that is bananas!! So listen to the lizard but decide what to do with the rest of your brain. Never ever let her get wet or eat after midnight or take control. [x]