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Shades Of Sexy

14 Feb

The english language has many failings. Many words that should exist but don’t. Words that have dueling meanings. It’s a mess.

And the word “Sexy” is one of those failures.

The word sexy should be split into two words. There should be one word for the sexiness that happens between my eyeballs and my brain when I watch Kahl Drogo screw in a lightbulb even though he is not thinking about sex. It should be the same word that guys yell on the street when I’m walking home and thinking about whether of not I have brussels sprouts in the fridge. It should be some sort of shortened version of “You Conjure Sexiness In My Mind!”

Like when people say “You’re so cute when you’re mad.” Well I don’t feel like a teddy bear right now, I feel like a hyena that would very much like to murder you.

It should be a different word from the other sexy. The sexy I feel for the first 3 minutes of any time I wear heels. The way I feel when I go to sleep in a cashmere sweater and nothing else. The way Beyonce feels between her body and her brain when she’s dancing in her music videos.

There’s you thinking he’s sexy because he’s changing this tire and he’s really annoyed and all but his arms look damn good covered in grease. And there’s him feeling sexy because he’s watching the candlelight dance across the ceiling.

Objectification is only fun when the second feeling is also present.

Sometimes we think that the second feeling, the inside sexy is also present in our partner when it isn’t yet. And that’s why we have mouths to ask. How does this make you feel? What do you want to do? Are your toes cold? Are you comfortable?

So do it. Just ask. It’ll be fun. It’ll be fine.


20 Nov

From the podcast On Being.

MS. SANDBERG: I mean, Adam looked at me and said, “You should think about how things could be worse.” And I thought to myself, “Dave just died suddenly. How can things be worse?” And he said, “He could’ve had that cardiac arrhythmia driving your children.” I mean, in that instant, to this day, when I say that, I feel better. I’m like, OK my kids are alive. I’m fine. Literally. Because think about the devastation I felt with Dave, and the devastation of losing all three of them in one instant, which happens. And all of a sudden, you’re better.

Since listening to that episode in April I’ve employed that tactic whenever vexed.

You’re dumping me? Breaking my heart? At least I’m not throwing up, that would make this day worse.

What good fortune that on this horrible day my family is in good health.

And on and on until you actually do feel better.

Perspective and gratitude can fix whatever ails you.

Nobody Ever Explains This To Guys

11 Oct

“Nobody ever explains this to guys!”

Half of emotional intelligence is learned behavior. Raise boys and girls the same and you’ll have a whole generation of people who can communicate more honestly.

Waxing My Legs

4 Oct

I’ve been waxing my legs lately.

I’m finding that the part when my legs are hairless isn’t even my favorite part. My favorite part is that I finally feel comfortable wearing a dress with hairy legs.


The rule is that you have to let the hair get long enough to pull out so there are days when it’s… long enough to pull out. And on those days, if it’s hot outside then that’s the right answer.

And that feels great enough every day to make up for 30 minutes once every few weeks.

The Most Important Thing That Happened Today

27 Sep

Leadership A La You

22 Sep

I simultaneously love and hate viewing women’s place in society through this lens. I think that the overarching point that Ezra is avoiding making (or perhaps doesn’t think of making) is that this problem: the skills we train women in, like listening, can be incredibly effective in all sectors but are undervalued in industries that are male dominated by choice or by history.

Men can learn to appreciate those qualities, exercise them, and value the leadership skills of women.

Also, women can see the weaknesses in leaning too heavily on those skills and learn to back them up with qualities we more value more in men; oration, clarity and the funneling of ideas.

There were a lot of moments in this video where I felt kinship with her. Either for myself or for women I know.

I hope she wins. I’ll be doing my part to make it happen. I look forward to seeing the changes, the progress, and also what all of us can learn from what happens in that time.

Melania Trump And The Temptation Of Slut Shaming

11 Aug

I just saw the pictures of Melania Trump. All of Melania Trump.

And I was immediately struck with a conundrum. I wanted to point to it, “This is the face you want on the white house? This is how you define Republican, family first values?”

Followed immediately by Dan Savage’s voice in my head about Anthony Weiner. Most young people today are taking pictures of themselves, the technology is just too accessible. Most people try pot. If you want to have leaders who aren’t amish then you need to be ok with the fact that they’re human and have pasts.

And then I hated myself for slut shaming her.

And then I decided that if throwing this in the face of the right wing sways one vote then posting it will have been worth it.

So I did. I put it on Facebook. And immediately felt guilty. Within a few hours I took it down.

I don’t want to use slut shaming just because it actually works in my favor this time around. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not human enough to have thought about it. A lot.