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I Gave Up Dairy

20 Apr

Life has been really hard without cheese in it.

You really have no idea.

I live in New York, the pizza capital of the world.

But this girl is spot on.

And so is all her pizza.

On The Importance Of Not Liking Things

15 Apr

I don’t like open-toed shoes.

I don’t like sneakers that make my feet look wide.

I don’t like mushrooms.

It hurts to have things between my toes.

It hurts to drink milk.

It hurts to smell coffee.

If you dislike a thing it’s not a promise. It doesn’t mean you’ll never like that thing. It means “I’ll try it again when I’m good and ready, but for now no thanks.”

For something to hurt means “No. Maybe one day if I’m ready, but until then, NO.”

If you dislike something, or are hurt by something, it’s your prerogative to avoid it in the future. No one should make you try to like it before you’re ready.

And if they make you try it then you can spit it out in their hands. You have my permission.

I Haven’t Known What To Say

18 Mar

It’s been a while since I’ve written.

And this week I’ve been in a few places with lady friends and have said that.

And every time it was met by:

Well you can write about what happened to me the other day.

Which just made me remember what I liked about writing in the first place.

It’s a reminder that everyone walks through the world with questions, concerns, decisions, fears, events, memories and disabilities on their shoulders.

They’re all different but they all have that burning desire to be told nonetheless.

They’re all welling up like spit in our mouths, being swallowed instead of freed.

Tell me your story.

Love And Kink, Edibly Speaking

18 Feb

Recently I’ve heard two great food metaphors, one for love and one for kink.

A few weeks ago I toured the Kink.com factory and our tour guide said of the preference for pain

“It’s like spicy food. You can watch someone eat spicy food and shake and cry and wonder why they’re doing this to themselves. But they do it again and again and tell you they love it. Other people, of course, hate it. People are just different.”

Last night I was talking to a friend and she said that saying I love you does change things between the people saying it. She said

“It’s like the difference between chicken broth you bought at the store and chicken broth your mom made. Both are good. If you’re making rice then the store bought stuff is better than water. But there’s nothing like the stuff your mom makes when you need it.”

That is all.

Be Proud To Stand Up

26 Jan

A few months ago I allowed myself to be convinced by a guy to do something I didn’t want to do. I had to forget that I was allowed to say No in order to remember that I wanted to say No. I felt like a fool.

And then I said No. I said it loudly, I got up and put my clothes on.

But so much more upsetting than the experience itself was the experience of telling my friends about saying No and them being shocked at my gall. Shocked at how I could stand up for myself. And I was shocked at how foreign it sounded to them. It made me really sad.

I don’t want anyone to be shocked at my boldness. I want everyone to hear that story and say Duh and tell me about their version of the story.

When I was 12 boys slid their hand up my thigh and slapped my butt. I smiled and took it because I didn’t know it was okay to say stop. I didn’t know that I could say no. So, when the principal calls telling me my daughter is suspended for punching a boy who wouldn’t stop touching her, I will cook her favorite meals. When she tells me how she cursed at the boy who wouldn’t move his hands off her knee even though she asked him to, I will smile and pull out her favorite movie to watch together. I will celebrate the fact that she accepts her body as her own and knows she has the right to say no. I never want my daughter to think her body belongs to men, because it is her own and my god should she be proud. I will teach her it’s more than okay to say stop, something I wish I had known when I was that age.

-don’t be soft, let the world know you exist restrictedthoughts

 

High Maintenance, But Actually Probably Not

29 Dec

One of the guys at work called his girlfriend high maintenance the other day and this tweet was all I could think of.

High maintenance is a great way to make anyone seem like a real drag on your personal resources. And it only gets applied to women in connection with their romantic relationships, giving the distinct impression that romantic relationships with women are a drag.

So shit or get off the pot. Either you’re happy with her and you should stop complaining about the petty stuff or you’re miserable and should take care of your own business by getting out.

No need to slap a label on her, just handle your business.

 

Be Human, You’re Allowed

22 Dec

I’m gonna be a bitch about this because I have something to say about it.

Sometimes I get mad at people because they did something bad. Sometimes I’m completely in the right for being mad at someone, all the facts back me up, everyone I tell is on my side.

And I’m still afraid to call them out on this thing that we can all agree I’m right about.

Because I’m afraid they’ll call me crazy or say I’m overreacting. It’s really not a big deal and I’m being a bitch about it.

This is a reminder to you and to me that sometimes it’s worth being a bitch about it. Sometimes it’s your culture being appropriated and mocked for profit (which is worth getting upset over). Sometimes it’s betrayal (which is worth getting upset over).

Your feelings are valid and expressing them does not make you crazy or difficult or a burden or high maintenance or a drag to be around. It makes you a human. Congratulations. Be human. It’s not so bad.

Women hear it all the time from men. “You’re overreacting,” we tell them. “Don’t worry about it so much, you’re over-thinking it.” “Don’t be so sensitive.” “Don’t be crazy.” It’s a form of gaslighting — telling women that their feelings are just wrong, that they don’t have the right to feel the way that they do. Minimizing somebody else’s feelings is a way of controlling them. If they no longer trust their own feelings and instincts, they come to rely on someone else to tell them how they’re supposed to feel. [x]

 

 

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