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Love And Kink, Edibly Speaking

18 Feb

Recently I’ve heard two great food metaphors, one for love and one for kink.

A few weeks ago I toured the Kink.com factory and our tour guide said of the preference for pain

“It’s like spicy food. You can watch someone eat spicy food and shake and cry and wonder why they’re doing this to themselves. But they do it again and again and tell you they love it. Other people, of course, hate it. People are just different.”

Last night I was talking to a friend and she said that saying I love you does change things between the people saying it. She said

“It’s like the difference between chicken broth you bought at the store and chicken broth your mom made. Both are good. If you’re making rice then the store bought stuff is better than water. But there’s nothing like the stuff your mom makes when you need it.”

That is all.

Be Proud To Stand Up

26 Jan

A few months ago I allowed myself to be convinced by a guy to do something I didn’t want to do. I had to forget that I was allowed to say No in order to remember that I wanted to say No. I felt like a fool.

And then I said No. I said it loudly, I got up and put my clothes on.

But so much more upsetting than the experience itself was the experience of telling my friends about saying No and them being shocked at my gall. Shocked at how I could stand up for myself. And I was shocked at how foreign it sounded to them. It made me really sad.

I don’t want anyone to be shocked at my boldness. I want everyone to hear that story and say Duh and tell me about their version of the story.

When I was 12 boys slid their hand up my thigh and slapped my butt. I smiled and took it because I didn’t know it was okay to say stop. I didn’t know that I could say no. So, when the principal calls telling me my daughter is suspended for punching a boy who wouldn’t stop touching her, I will cook her favorite meals. When she tells me how she cursed at the boy who wouldn’t move his hands off her knee even though she asked him to, I will smile and pull out her favorite movie to watch together. I will celebrate the fact that she accepts her body as her own and knows she has the right to say no. I never want my daughter to think her body belongs to men, because it is her own and my god should she be proud. I will teach her it’s more than okay to say stop, something I wish I had known when I was that age.

-don’t be soft, let the world know you exist restrictedthoughts

 

High Maintenance, But Actually Probably Not

29 Dec

One of the guys at work called his girlfriend high maintenance the other day and this tweet was all I could think of.

High maintenance is a great way to make anyone seem like a real drag on your personal resources. And it only gets applied to women in connection with their romantic relationships, giving the distinct impression that romantic relationships with women are a drag.

So shit or get off the pot. Either you’re happy with her and you should stop complaining about the petty stuff or you’re miserable and should take care of your own business by getting out.

No need to slap a label on her, just handle your business.

 

Be Human, You’re Allowed

22 Dec

I’m gonna be a bitch about this because I have something to say about it.

Sometimes I get mad at people because they did something bad. Sometimes I’m completely in the right for being mad at someone, all the facts back me up, everyone I tell is on my side.

And I’m still afraid to call them out on this thing that we can all agree I’m right about.

Because I’m afraid they’ll call me crazy or say I’m overreacting. It’s really not a big deal and I’m being a bitch about it.

This is a reminder to you and to me that sometimes it’s worth being a bitch about it. Sometimes it’s your culture being appropriated and mocked for profit (which is worth getting upset over). Sometimes it’s betrayal (which is worth getting upset over).

Your feelings are valid and expressing them does not make you crazy or difficult or a burden or high maintenance or a drag to be around. It makes you a human. Congratulations. Be human. It’s not so bad.

Women hear it all the time from men. “You’re overreacting,” we tell them. “Don’t worry about it so much, you’re over-thinking it.” “Don’t be so sensitive.” “Don’t be crazy.” It’s a form of gaslighting — telling women that their feelings are just wrong, that they don’t have the right to feel the way that they do. Minimizing somebody else’s feelings is a way of controlling them. If they no longer trust their own feelings and instincts, they come to rely on someone else to tell them how they’re supposed to feel. [x]

 

 

Thanks Nicki

12 Nov

I’m working a lot lately and don’t have much time to write but I’m so glad that Nicki is still proud of me.

I do what I have to do. I make my decisions for myself. I try to take other people into account but I also know that no one is gonna look out for me like I am.

And just the fact that I stick to that ideal, I don’t waver on it, means a lot to me. And when I work for 14 hours and then drink and crash into bed, I can still be proud of myself.

Thanks Nicki.

 

 

The New Cosmo And Can I Be Joanna Coles When I Grow Up?

31 Oct

The other day NPR made me cry. Literal tears in my eyes crying. And worst, it was about Cosmo.

Joanna Coles, the new editor in chief of Cosmo was being interviewed and she is getting added to my list of women I want to be when I grow up.

The interview is fantastic. I suggest you listen to it right freaking now.

Highlights:

This headline: “I Feel Lucky That I Can Wear What I Want, Sleep With Who I Want And Dance How I Want And Still Be A Feminist.”

“I think that women’s lives are multilayered. I have no problem understanding that women are interested in mascara and the Middle East. Men are allowed to talk about sports relentlessly, and yet we still take them seriously. I don’t understand why women can’t talk about fashion, or sex, or love, or wanting more money and not be taken as seriously as men.”

Joanna also reads a headline which includes the words “How to make him better in bed.” HIM BETTER IN BED, NOT YOU. I’M DYING.

Or how about how my new personal idol hired the COO of facebook, Sheryl Sandberg, to be the editor of the careers section and explain the wage gap or how to ask for a raise.

For years I’ve been avoiding the magazine like the plague. I guess that won’t be necessary anymore.

You Look Like Nature

22 Oct

I love this so freaking much.

And this set.

I love any artistic reminder that my body is a part of nature, just as perfect as a planet or a star or the milky way.

I dearly wish that people would view their bodies as they view flowers…

Veins everywhere?

image

gorgeous~

Skin patches? Birthmarks?

image

hella rad~

Scars? Stretch marks?

image

beautiful~

Freckles? Moles? Acne scars?

image

heckie yeah~

Large? Curvy?

image

lovely~

Small? Thin?

image

charming~

Missing a few pieces?

image

handsome as ever~

Feel like you just look weird?

image

you’re fantastic looking~

Do you think that what makes you unique is a flaw? What nonsense. If you weren’t so specific then you’d be just like everyone else.

I’m gonna get really real on you guys here for a minute. I’m a Jewess with Jewess body hair. It’s something that I don’t do much about, I’d rather turn away guys who are turned off by that (and therefore me), than have to change myself for someone else in a way I don’t even enjoy.

However, as strongly as I feel about it, as much as I don’t intend to change it, I still battle with embarrassment about it every time I have a new partner. Even when a guy tells me he loves that quality about me I have a flash of insecurity about it. I doubt it’ll ever really go away (congratulations Gilette advertising team, you’ve internalized that shame in me forever).

One of my best friends runs the opposite way. She hates having any hair on her body. She actually just got a groupon for lazer hair removal (I should ask her how that’s going). She has the exact situation I prayed I had when I was in high school and starting to get naked with people. Every time we talk about it I get a pang of jealousy. Life must be so easy for her with no shame or fear about getting nakey with someone new.

“I’m really insecure about my labia. Guys have teased me because they’re too big.”

My jaw dropped.

And then I realized that having insecurities about your body isn’t special at all. Everyone has something that makes them feel as embarrassed as your chicken legs make you feel. So you don’t need to get over your insecurity. Try of course, but no need to beat yourself up for failing. Instead, next time you get that feeling think of the things your friends hate about their bodies but which you think are beautiful. And remember that this person thinks your legs are as beautiful as you think Rachel’s hair is.

I just remembered this story; I was seeing this guy who I thought was so cute. Gawky and awkward and smart and smiley. The first time i saw him with his shirt off I found a big scar on his chest. I asked him about it and apparently he needed heart surgery when he was a baby. He told me this story and for some reason imagining him as some helpless beautiful baby made me just want to take him in my arms and cover him in kisses all the more. “That’s so attractive” I said to him with a big smile on my face and a fresh kiss on our lips. The sigh of relief that came out of him surprised me. Who wouldn’t find such a thing sexy?

I’ve also been known to find intense vitiligo and half chopped off digits attractive. What can I say, I like flawed characters.

Lastly, I want to remind everyone that labia come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. There’s no need to make someone feel bad about their completely normal, healthy body. If you are having a hard time loving your large lips check out this tumblr, lovelargelabia.tumblr.com, it’s sure to make you feel better.

Never change, Beautiful.

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