I was hanging out with a guy yesterday and he was telling me a story about when his ex challenged him to think about sex in a way he never had before. He said he was interested in a threesome and so did she. It wasn’t until later that he realized that the mental image she was constructing was different than his.
But he readily admits that through that first eye-opening relationship with a beautiful bohemian european he realized a not so noble truth.
Not slut-shaming women results in better sex.
Across the board.
This isn’t exactly the best reason to root out slut-shaming in our culture but it might be the one that makes the best bumper sticker. Is anyone good at photoshop?
I just saw the pictures of Melania Trump. All of Melania Trump.
And I was immediately struck with a conundrum. I wanted to point to it, “This is the face you want on the white house? This is how you define Republican, family first values?”
Followed immediately by Dan Savage’s voice in my head about Anthony Weiner. Most young people today are taking pictures of themselves, the technology is just too accessible. Most people try pot. If you want to have leaders who aren’t amish then you need to be ok with the fact that they’re human and have pasts.
And then I hated myself for slut shaming her.
And then I decided that if throwing this in the face of the right wing sways one vote then posting it will have been worth it.
So I did. I put it on Facebook. And immediately felt guilty. Within a few hours I took it down.
I don’t want to use slut shaming just because it actually works in my favor this time around. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not human enough to have thought about it. A lot.
I’m sure everyone has seen this already but it’s amazing.
Share it far and wide.
I’m obsessed with poet/artist/feminist/tear-jerker rupi kaur.
I ordered her book Milk and Honey and am waiting for a quiet moment so I can read it and cry.
In the meantime I stalk her blog.
What beauty. What love. What a terrible world, what a beautiful world she reveals in this world.
My mother texted me last week,
I just realized you’re a millennial. How does that make you feel?
It doesn’t make me feel anything. It’s a buzzword and the definition of it seems to expand by the day.
But knowing that I have something in common with an artist like rupi, even if it’s just the assumption that we have to be somewhat similar in age makes me really proud. It makes me proud to be in a generation with artists who I trust to speak on my behalf.
The full video is here, I couldn’t get it to embed but it’s great.
All The Shitty Things I Regret Writing, the name of the book that the ladies say should be the next in the series by these dead writers. I’d love to read that.
Sex advice that isn’t helpful to you can just go straight in the trash, do not pass go, do not collect $200.
Sometimes I think about what this blog means to me. I call this ‘my sex and feminism blog’ when I talk about it with my friends. That sort of sums up what ends up on the blog but it isn’t why I started writing it.
Secretly this blog is all the things that I wish we discussed in a thorough sex education. Think of it as continuing education of a woefully lackluster high school Sex Ed.
And even more secret than that is my secret desire to be a Sex Ed teacher. Some amazing super hero sex ed teacher with a spandex suit under my teaching garb with a big S on the chest (for sex, duh).
One of my favorite things in this clip is that while John Oliver is putting on a show for his normal viewers, he’s actually giving a more comprehensive class than some of the teachers he spotlights, and he only uses 20 minutes.
Don’t ask me why.
When I was in high school I have a vivid memory of sitting on a particular male friends lap and standing up to find a red spot the size of a quarter on his leg. Just conjuring up that memory while sitting here alone in my living room leaves me hot in the face with shame.
Generally I enjoyed my high school experience but that tough learning curve about exactly how long I could leave a tampon in was brutal.
There is nothing like seeing someone move through the world so shame-free concerning something you have so much anxiety about. It makes me want to hug and kiss her entire face.
The really amazing thing is that in the last few years it’s become clearer and clearer that straight guys that are worth their salt don’t really care about periods. God forbid a little blood comes up, it’s always me freaking out and him telling me to relax, it’s not a big deal. It’s amazing what shame can do.
So thanks Kiran Gandhi, my personal hero for the day.