Thanks For Looking Out

9 Mar

As a good single millennial I have an Okcupid profile. And that profile is exactly as brazen as this blog is. Exactly. As. Brazen.

I am firmly of the belief that the greatest purpose of the Online part of Online Dating is the weeding-out part.

I want to put the things that are going to offend the religious and sex negative at the very top. If my existence would send them screaming, better they should run screaming from a webpage that portends to represent my existence and spare me from having to see/hear their cries, I just don’t have the time.

file-mar-04-9-11-26-am

How this man has offended me. Let me count the ways.

You care about me? You’re just telling me this because u care about me so much? And all this care is because you’re a fellow (lowercase) jew? Because, what, knowing that fact about me suddenly makes me your little sister?

Also, you’re the run around player? I truly have a hard time imagining that. And what decade are you living in? Run around player? Seriously?

And what exactly is it you’re trying to warn me against? Is it that no man in the universe (grave, very grave) would want a serious relationship – point blank? That’s what your words are saying, but A) have you met any men? and B) if that’s what you were thinking about then why would you send your grave concern to me?

More likely what you were attempting to say (though perhaps you should quit using words, like forever) is that no guy in the universe would ever have a serious relationship with me because I am a woman who mentions sex.

Really, what you’re telling me is that you are a guy who would “bullshit” and say you are interested in something serious as a way to do what exactly? Be Runaround Sue?

You’re also telling me that you would never be with a woman who talked to you about the sex you were theoretically having with her, which tells me that you are… what is the polite way to say this? Horrible in bed, so unable-to-learn-from-your-mistakes bad that there was no reason for a woman to waste her breath giving you notes. We’ve all been there. You’re right, such a player.

Also, “I will tell u.” I will tell u? U will tell me what? You’ve lived inside your body for 37 years which gives you the authority to curb my behavior on behalf of all men? Did you run a PPP Poll? Half the planet has given you their blessing, want you to be their voice, they nominated you to nit pick at women’s behavior on the internet?

And “I’m that guy so please don’t be offended.” I burn. Don’t be offended? Are you five years old? I’m offended that your alleged player-ness makes you feel that you have the right to police my behavior.

Because it does not.

And one more thing about sex. Just because it makes me happy to talk about sex and it makes you unhappy to read it. In BDSM there’s this practice that I think is a bit silly where if you talk about a Dom/sub relationship a lot of people use a capital ‘D’ and a lowercase ‘s’ because the Dom is big and strong and the sub is meek.

“Im the run around player and i will tell u” No. Absolutely not.

One Response to “Thanks For Looking Out”

  1. whatkatididthere March 9, 2017 at 10:04 am #

    Ha! Tell em. What a joke of a man. Do you follow some of the Instagram accounts about awful messages on online dating apps, or asking men if they’re feminists on there?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: