Don’t Forget To Notice, But Also Please Don’t Notice

18 Aug

There are two feelings that I don’t even know how to describe. They’re the equal and opposite and they both make me cry.

There’s nothing worse than looking into your friends eye in excruciating pain and having them look right through it, unseeing.

“look
i get that you’re tired
and that this sometimes happens
what, like 3, 4 times a week?
and i know that you are thinking
i’ll be fine in the morning like, i won’t DIE fine
but the thing is
there is a part of me
that falls deeper into itself
each time my crying lulls
someone i am sharing a bed with to sleep.

sure
i’ll wake up the next morning alive
but is it really a good thing
to get better at crying
softly?

i’m not saying you’re obliged to do anything
not even whisper “i’m here for you”
or “are you ok?”
or “i’m sorry but i’m very tired”
or “goodnight”
i know you’re tired (of me)

but hey
if you hear me beating myself up next to you
and choose to ignore me and go to sleep
well, can you really be surprised
when you are awake and ready to listen
and my first instinct is to
hide?”

if you want to know why i’m always quiet when breaking down, lora mathis (18/30)[x]

And yet what always freaks me out more is when they look at you and immediately know,

“What’s wrong?”

Fastest way to bring tears to my eyes.

One Response to “Don’t Forget To Notice, But Also Please Don’t Notice”

  1. Anonymous August 18, 2016 at 11:30 am #

    of course notice. If not, I don’t want you to be my friend or be close to me. I want people who count and are there for me. I am always there for my nearest and dearest. Crying with someone who cares is the best. They are also very hard to find….

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