I used to think of myself as a pretty tough nut to crack, tear wise at least.
I took pride in not being the girl who cried at movies or weddings or funerals. A good stoic New Yorker.
And then when that started to fall away I took it as a sign of PMS. I have lots of friends who have a major crying jag, a consistent 48 hour count down to blood.
But now I’m coming around to my new reality. I could be convinced to cry at just about anything. A commercial, a dress, a song, a mountain, an impending confrontation.
I’m not gonna say that it’s better or worse, but it is a lot easier than I thought it would be.
The difference was realizing that it doesn’t have to derail my day. If you learn to not mind crying then you can do it and just… finish. And then feel better.
And it’s kinda like finally vomiting when you’ve been feeling nauseous all day. A relief.
I was thinking sad thoughts the other day and I played a song I love, a song that described the relationship for me. A sad song.
My friend said “You should be nicer to yourself.” but the truth is that I spend so much time coping with sadness using distraction that focusing on it, being sad about it feels like a luxury sometimes.
Crying keeps the sadness at bay.