I feel like all I’ve cared about lately are lessons I’ve learned at work.
Today my boss and I said one out loud.
He hired me to do a thing I had never done. I did it, I pushed through the fear. I did a good enough job to get re-hired but I’m still not the most confident person in the world. I still have fear and nerves.
“I respect your reluctance but I wasn’t wrong. You would be good at this. I wasn’t wrong in thinking you’d be good at this.”
“Yeah, I need to get better at trusting that the people I work with have a greater context for my skills than I do. That if someone I’ve been working with thinks I’m ready for something, then I am.”
I don’t know if this is a me thing or a woman thing or a generational thing but it’s a problem I have a lot.
My co-workers are also my teachers. I know logically that they’re invested in my success, that at the very least it would look bad for them if I slowed down OUR team. That they just wouldn’t bother to hire me again if they didn’t think I was worth it.
I need to trust, not just that I’m not bad, but also that I’m improving.
I can see my skills but I can’t see the context outside of myself. If you were spending 10 hours a day with someone who was tall enough to see over the wall you were standing in front of together, and you asked them “What am I going to need on the other side of this wall? Is it muddy? Snowy?” You’d trust their response. You’d trust their assessment of the context of your journey which you can’t currently see.
I’m gonna practice.