I haven’t been writing much lately.
To be fair, I haven’t been talking much lately.
And I’ve been trying to feel (and think about feels) less lately too.
No sorry’s. No apology at all.
I apologize to myself. I apologize to me for the lies I’ve been telling me. I’ve put myself in a new position lately where I keep being shamed into silence on way or another.
Sometimes I get asked what tool I’m going to use to accomplish a task and when I answer the question I’m met with an incredulous and judgement-filled exclamation and expression “That way?! That’ll take a million years!” Well thanks for shouting about my idiocy in the middle of the office.
I come into the room in a good mood with a smile on my face and when I’m asked what’s up and then start responding about 5 words in I’m waved off.
And even more exhausting, I’m noticing it seep into the rest of my life.
My best friend is telling me that I’ve been doing less talking and more listening with her (she complained about it. Can you even imagine?)
So what do I do about this?
When you feel like you’re being shut down, how do you climb your way back out?