Man Eats Lady Food. Doesn’t Grow Boobs, Is Just Hungry.

6 Jul

I just read an article about a man who did this.

It is delightful and you should read it.

The takeaway’s for me were:

The amount of lip service the food packaging devotes to being “good” or “virtuous.” Or in different parlance obedient.

They always want something decadent — but they mustn’t!


Along with the cereal, I grabbed some Divine Fudge brownies (they’ll “keep you virtuous”) and strawberry Pastry Crisps (for when you’re “trying to be good”).

It’s no surprise that the author also remarked often about the noticeably insufficient portions and calorie counts. The article (and product names) is peppered with little reminders that you should be consuming less.

Lean Cuisine, Skinnygirl popcorn, Skinny Cow ice cream, Svelte protein shake. 

Why have more calories when you could have less?

I also appreciated that the author looked at the foods as having to justify their need to classify with genders. As though salad has to pick a side. Lettuce reproduces asexually.

Organic Girl was everything I was looking for. Not only because it was green, but because its girliness came with no justification — neither the legitimate type (vitamin fortification) nor the fat-shaming type (lower-than-normal calories).

But my favorite thing about the article is that while the author acknowledges that these foods foisted on women are basically tiny portions of cardboard, they’re not going to magically turn a grown man female. If Activia made people sprout breasts then Laverne Cox would be the spokesperson, not Jamie Lee Curtis.

It did not, however, succeed as “the perfect snack for the girl-on-the-go,” because I’m a guy. It was “the perfect snack for the guy-on-the-go,” though. Kinda makes you think it would be “the perfect snack for anyone-on-the-go.”

And he acknowledges the psychological effects of this kind of marketing.

I lived like this for only two weeks, but I can also attest that the constant reminder that I was or should be on a diet was exhausting.

Ultimately, though, I’m just glad I can now return to eating everything else the grocery store sells. Or, as the people pushing the products in this piece would call it, food for men.

Just eat people food. It’s so much easier.

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