Polling The Audience: How To Say No, Thanks

8 Oct

The other day I told you about this date I went on.

After the incident my ride showed up and I hopped in the car. No need to note that the driver of said getaway car was my mother. Yes, I’m an adult who’s mother picked her up from her date. Nonetheless.

My mom pulls up, I give him a quick hug and say ‘nice to meet you’ and run around to the passenger side door. As I’m crossing in front of the car he yells out “So can I call you sometime?” to which I shrug and say ‘sure.’ Anyone who has ever heard of the terms ‘body language’ or ‘inflection’ knows I meant ‘no’.

Here’s the question: Did I do the wrong thing?

Was the correct answer “No”?

I’m polling the audience here and I’d really like your feedback.

I’ve done that in the past. A guy asked if he could call me and I just said “No, I don’t think that’s necessary.” And it didn’t go over too poorly. He didn’t get angry or lash out or anything (and, yes, that is the main concern).

I told this story at a party last night, and posed this question and most of the girls in the room said that they would do what I did. They would say he could call and then proceed to ignore him. But I feel like there has to be a better way. And I’ve heard from a lot of guys who say they would have preferred to hear “no” and not waste their time.

So what should we do about this? What is the right answer?

6 Responses to “Polling The Audience: How To Say No, Thanks”

  1. Renee October 8, 2014 at 3:14 pm #

    I think if he’d asked you in a more intimate way then you could say “sure as a friend” but he hollered at you while you were in the street. Your response was fine

  2. Shannon Henley October 8, 2014 at 7:11 pm #

    Okay…it’s a slightly different scenario, but I had to do this with a potential employer the other day. I met with a man for the first appointment who was very nice, and it seemed like a great company, but I knew it wasn’t right for me. I ended up making a second appointment because I was kind of forced into it by someone other than the man who I had originally met with. I called the man later that day and was up front about it. I explained that I really appreciated the time he took to meet with me, but that I just didn’t think that pursuing a career with his company was right for me. I literally told him that I didn’t t want to waste his time by coming in for the second appointment, when I already knew that I didn’t want to move forward. I saw that as being respectful, and I hope that he took it that way.

    That being said, the dating world is a different animal, and it’s much more awkward to have to turn down a date than a professional acquaintance that you’ve just met. I would still do the same thing in a dating situation, though. I would feel awful if I said a guy could call me but then later ignored his calls…while it’s difficult, I think you eventually have to be straight-up about it, so that you both can move on. It’s all easier said than done, but that’s my two cents!

  3. ray October 8, 2014 at 8:47 pm #

    I dont think you were left with many options inthis situation, by him yelling he left himself open to public rejection that he may or may not care about but he forced you to give an answer on the spot.

    By giving a neutral-ish response you saved him possible public embarrassment that might waste 5 minutes of his time. So in my opinion you picked the best option in this case.

  4. Shannon Henley October 9, 2014 at 1:37 am #

    I just want to follow up by saying that I totally agree with what you did in your situation. My previous comment was in regard to the larger question you posed. In the context of your date, you were practically not even given the option to say no!! It would have come across as so rude to just shout “No” at him from the car…

  5. Kelly Ice October 9, 2014 at 2:03 pm #

    This article – #2 and 6.
    http://hellogiggles.com/insincere-dating-gestures/#read

  6. boyfromthefuture October 11, 2014 at 1:00 pm #

    I’m kind of religious about honesty. If I were the recipient, I would rather hear, “I’m sorry. I don’t feel any chemistry.” or whatever you are feeling.

    I like the idea of people just being present and honest about where they are at, no guessing games, and an openness to the vulnerability that goes along with that.

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