When I was in high school I had a very close friend. And then at some point we had just had too much of each other. We knew all the darkest things the other had done and the friendship had to end.
The truth is I know the relatively-not-bad reasons why she did all the things that hurt the people we loved and so I can’t fault her for them. I just don’t want to be friends with someone who has no remorse about them. And that’s fine. She got tired of looking at my face too.
And so in the most amicable split of all time one day she announced to me that she didn’t want to be friends anymore, she unfriended me on facebook and that was it. There was no crying, no trying to reconcile. I think I read the note, said OK and continued unpacking my new room. I think we both just knew that we weren’t gaining anything from each other anymore. No joy, no smiles, we didn’t even enjoy seeing movies together, the lowest common denominator of acquaintancehood. When we looked at each other we just saw the heartache the other had caused to our loved ones and we were sad.
And so we were done. Sometimes you have to be brutal like that. Cut out the people who aren’t helping anymore. You’ll be shocked at how little you think of them afterwards.
When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits – anything that kept me small. My judgement called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.