So Very Nice

26 Jun

Today a friend of mine posted this little gem, which got me a bit angry.

So in response to this “Open Letter to the Girl Who Let the Nice Guy Go” I have an open letter of my own.

Dear self-professed Nice Guy,

Why are you convinced that there’s a direct correlation between niceness and sexability when it comes to you specifically? Do you remember that girl who was so nice to you in middle school? Always lending you pencils or splitting her snack with you because you forgot yours? She was so nice, why don’t you want to date her?

I am so sick of guys complaining that I should like them because they’re “Nice Guys.”

I can’t think of a more depressingly low bar to clear than “Nice.” Do you think I should be so grateful that you hold a door open for me like I’m a human being? Calling me when you said you’d call me on it’s own does not gain you access to my vagina. “Nice” is the bar that everyone in my life has to clear. That doesn’t mean I owe any of them sex either.

Did you ever consider that just like you need to be attracted to someone in order to date them, women might need you to have multiple good qualities in order for them to be interested in you? Like for example in addition to treating her like a respected human you would also have to be attractive to her. Maybe you’d also have to make her laugh. Or she’d need you to make her feel safe in public. Or independent in public. Or both! Maybe she’d need you to be someone who has a very strong hello. Either way “Nice” alone rarely cuts it.

When I was a kid I remember my mom telling me that when you kiss someone you should feel like you’re the luckiest person in the world for getting to kiss that person. And that if you don’t feel that way then they aren’t good enough. You’re not going to fall in love with them.

And that’s what I’m looking for.

The secret that apparently no one told the “Nice Guy” is that we aren’t dumping him to go out with his surly, tattooed, quick-tempered, Harley-riding step-brother (except for the girls who are and let me tell you, people will only allow themselves to be treated as well as they think they deserve to be treated so back off). We’re dumping him in hopes of meeting his funny, self-deprecating, beautiful, kind nemesis. Someone who makes us feel alive and important, rather than like a trophy, the product of so many “thank you”s and “you’re welcome”s and bribes flowers.

Someone for whom being truly giving is such a given that it isn’t worth mentioning. Someone who, sure he’s nice, but he’s also attractive and funny and notices when I’m uncomfortable. Someone who’s interesting, has a great handshake and listens to the things I say and the things I don’t say and knows when not to say the Nice thing. Someone who’ll sit in my chair and ruin my sleep and make me aware of being alive.

Bragging about how nice you are only serves to remind me that you have no greater assets. Oh, and stop complaining and calling us crazy and picky to our friends. Developing interesting hobbies and meeting girls who find them interesting as well will get you much farther.

I will not set fire to myself
to keep you warm.
– (via jennayliu)

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