Bland Erotic Pudding

5 Feb

The other day I came across this article at the society pages and I feel like it puts into words a feeling I’ve had basically since puberty.

Why is “sexy lady” so boring?

So bland.

Lisa Wade quotes a 1970 article by Philip Slater.

[I]t can’t be denied that the female ideal in America is nonaggressive and nonthreatening, to the point of caricature.  Take for example the film personality of the much-idolized Marilyn Monroe: docile, accommodating, brainless, defenseless, totally uncentered, incapable of taking up for herself or knowing what she wants or needs. A sexual encounter with such a woman in real life would border on rape – the idea of “consenting adults” wouldn’t even apply.  The term “perversion” seems more appropriate for this kind of yearning than for homosexuality or bestiality, since it isn’t directed toward a complete being.  The Marilyn Monroe image was the ideal sex object for the sexually crippled and anxious male: a bland erotic pudding that would never upset his delicate stomach.

It’s important to realize that this Playboy ideal is a sign of low, rather than high, sexual energy.  It suggests that the sexual flame is so faint and wavering that a whole person would overwhelm and extinguish it.  Only a vapid, compliant ninny-fantasy can keep it alive. It’s designed for men who don’t really like sex but need it for tension-release – men whose libido is wrapped up in achievement or dreams of glory.

Be soft, play hard to get, basically put yourself somewhere in the bar where he can see you and part your lips, and if he picks you, then you’ll know. This brand of sexuality which has been labeled feminine doesn’t ring true to me. It doesn’t feel sexy, it just makes me want to buy lip gloss.

You can see it especially reflected in young girls. How fake does the softened posturing and eyelid fluttering of (insanely talented) Chloe on the left seem as she rocks the fuck out of this Pretty Hurts cover, especially in the beginning? You can see the moments when she enjoys what she’s doing enough to stop self-objectifying and really shines.

Don’t tell me to be someone else’s bland flavor of “sexy.” I’ll find my own thanks.

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