I Changed Completely

18 Oct

In trying to find another Youtube video the other day I stumbled upon this one.

and while Victoria’s statements in her first appearance on the show startled me, her demeanor in her second appearance was much more upsetting.

Now lets take the huge grain of salt that during her first appearance this girl is 15. So when she says “I am who I am and that’s all there is to it!” well, she doesn’t really know who she is yet. She’s still making who she is.

However, when she returns to the show, post baby, post wedding, and looking about as dejected, shamed, and sorry as a person being publicly shamed on nationwide television can look, we can say she has experienced a bit. And I don’t know what those experiences were, but the things she says don’t sound like they’re her thoughts; they sound like comments on her situation; “I got married, I changed completely”, “Any girl that acts like that is gonna have consequences.” and the crowd goes wild.

All I can think of are the pray-away-the-gay camps cheering on the queer kids who recite by rote how they’ve changed because the only thing they’ve learned at camp is that something they inherently are is not acceptable in society. So they should lie about it, say they’re cured. Repeat back that the behavior they crave is totally gross and wrong and I-promise-I’ll-never-do-it-again-Mom.

I’m not pro-15-year-old Victoria’s choices, I’m just saying that when someone says “I am who I am,” then does what they want to do, then puts him/herself in a position in society (like marriage) where he/she can do it again, and then does it again, and then asks forgiveness saying “I changed completely” while a crowd cheers them on, then we needn’t take the statement at face value.

Maybe she just really feels that her calling is making babies. Not my first choice but we all have journeys.

They say the most celebrated are the rehabilitated. But by whom? And at what cost? And most importantly, by who’s definition?

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