You Forgot Me

2 Sep

I’m starting to realize that one of the things I’m most afraid of is being forgotten by the people I love.

When I was a little kid I used to use an alarm clock to get up for school in the mornings. I always hated being late so I always made sure it was set. I wouldn’t be able to go to sleep unless I was really really sure that it was set for the right time and turned on and the volume was up and everything. And then in the morning the alarm would go off and I would pretend to still be asleep until my parents came to wake me up. I didn’t really particularly want to stay in bed. There was no chance I’d go back to sleep. I just wanted to be remembered. For getting up to be a group rather than solo activity. I remember so clearly the morning they forgot. I’m sure they thought they had already done it, or heard the alarm go off and assumed I had gotten up on my own. But I just laid there in bed watching the time tick by, thinking about how quickly I’d have to get dressed if they didn’t come soon. How few minutes I’d have before having to leave the house. How my own parents had forgotten me. Because I was forgettable.

When my mom finally realized I was still in bed and came in to get me I was crying, accusing “You forgot me!” Never mind the fact that I had practically dared her to do it, that by asking her to add this completely unnecessary chore to her routine every morning I was setting myself up for failure.

And now the things my friends do that upset me the most tap back into that same place. When they leave the bar before I get there, or offhandedly badmouth something I’m really proud of, or don’t do something for me after they insist that they will, I want to crawl back into bed and make them follow me pleading as I screlt “You forgot me!” at them over and over, like it’s the greatest sin they could commit.

Now that I admitted that can it go away?

2 Responses to “You Forgot Me”

  1. Anonymous September 2, 2013 at 11:08 am #

    It never goes away. But it feels so good every instant that you are remembered.

  2. Anonymous September 2, 2013 at 2:58 pm #

    No, it won’t go away. Trying to make a problem that is out of your control not happen is a waste of energy; you’d be better off putting that energy towards ways to move on. Arm yourself. You are not that little girl crying in her bed anymore. Be aware of how much you’ve changed. On how much of an impact you make on people’s lives on a daily basis. You are a strong bold woman who knows how to take care of herself. You are the girl that men are still talking about after you’ve left the room. You have more power in your footprints than you think. And you need to deal with that.

    My advice? Find a coping mechanism. People forget – and hey! this thing about someone “leaving the bar before you got there” – hello! people get drunk, people get tired, people want sex, thoughts become actions faster with no judgement. Perhaps you could keep momentums from friends to look at when you miss them. Save texts where they said “I love you”. I’m not saying don’t cry or don’t feel shitty about it – after all you probably took the G train to get the damn bar – you can have your moment. But you can’t let it cripple or define you.

    Besides, it’s impossible for you to be forgotten; I get an email from this blog daily whether I like it or not.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: