A Conversation With My Uterus, Currently Shedding It’s Lining

19 Jul

Me: *curled up in bed, clutching my stomach* WWWWAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Uterus: *knitting on the couch* What?

Me: Wwwhhhhyyy???

Uterus: Because I can.

Me: But what did I do to you?

Uterus: Well yesterday you did eat chocolate.

Me: Want me to puke it up?

Uterus: Meh, it won’t help.


Uterus: Moaning won’t help either.

Me: What will help? What can I do to make your life easier?

Uterus: Well I can tell you right now that being snarky will not help.

Me: Fantastic. Thrilled to hear it.

Uterus: You’ll just have to wait. You get 27 days a month and I get 1.

Me: You’re mean.

Uterus: *shrugs* Should I be offended?

Me: I hate you.

Uterus: I don’t care.

Me: I hate you.

Uterus: I still don’t care.

Me: I’m going to puke on you.

Uterus: Still really not my problem.


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