Must You Really?

24 Feb

Today on my morning commute a young guy with a purple mohawk got on the train and asked for food. I carry protein bars in my purse so I gave him one. He opened it up, bit into it and asked me

‘Hey, will you be my girlfriend?’
I said No, thank you.
‘If I can’t make love to you I’ll kill myself’
‘I don’t negotiate with hostage-takers.’
‘Do you want to go to a punk rock show with me tonight?’ (Have I mentioned that I was listening to Taylor Swift at the time?)
‘Definitely not’
‘What kind of music do you like?’
‘Showtunes.’
He grimaced and left the train

When he got off the train the little old lady next to me told me that when she worked at Macy’s one day one of her colleagues asked her to get security because there was a pantsless man asking her out on dates.  He asked her to breakfast, she said no, ‘What about dinner instead?’

I looked at her a while longer, trying to get the punchline.

‘I just thought this was similar.’

After she finished and got off the train I looked around, thinking about how every woman on the train probably has a similar story.

And I just couldn’t help but think, Why?

I’m sorry for being so awesome and distracting.  Or actually wait, no, I’M NOT AT ALL. Leave me the hell alone, my body is not here for you.  It’s here for me.  It’s mine.  Leave me and it alone and go live out the rest of your miserable life without me.

You’re welcome for the protein bar.  I know, it’s delicious and filling.

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