Do you ever wonder how you can express to the world how comfortable you are with your body and your sexuality? Do you feel the need to walk into crowded restaurants talking very loudly about HYMENS so people choose your conversations to eavesdrop on? Well then, do I have some tips for you!
1) Next time you have a UTI and you’re out to brunch with your lady friends SATC style (P.S. can we talk about how terrible The Carrie Diaries looks? Kill me.) point to your crotch and sing THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!
2) Next time you’re painting the fun house red (get it?) while seducing (you saucy minx!) a potential pants-remover, spend your second cocktail together thinking up some creative euphemisms for period sex. Examples include:
- Driving the Blood Mobile to Schenectady
- Doing the Last Scene of Hamlet, With Genitals
- Salsa Dancing at the Y
- Reenacting the Battle of Gettysburg — In My Pants
- Al Gore
- Pussy UFC
- Making Manicotti Marinara
Points for creativity.
3) Buy a Divacup and then explain how it works to everyone you know.
4) Ask your brother how many body parts he can think of that are only 2 letters long. Guess who has a kick-ass os?!
5) Volunteer at Planned Parenthood and then awkwardly tell your friends about the female condoms you pick up there (follow that link. You will not regret it!).
Well done everyone. Now we can party with fellow jewess Sarah Silverman!