Advice, Confidence

You Deserve Better

A friend of mine is dating this guy.

Scratch that, a friend of mine thinks this guy is cute and heard a rumor that he thought she was cute too, so she ovary-ed up and asked him out and he said yes (though we’re both pretty sure that he didn’t understand that it was meant to be a date-date) and then they went to a movie or something and it was horribly awkward and then she met up with me for some Jameson and told me this story.

Clear as mud?  Good, cause you don’t really need to know any of that stuff anyway.

The point is that the sorry excuse for a date was miserable and though he is (seriously, and if there is such a thing, objectively) beautiful there was no spark.  The way she described it was that they sat drinking milkshakes and talking for an hour and the entire time she felt as though her (massive) tits didn’t even exist.   For their whole date she was entirely sexless.

After two drinks and quite a bit of candy corn she got to the crux of her problem with this.  She asked for me to give her permission to not want him anymore.

Her inner dialogue was full of lizard stuff.  The stuff that tells you to do the ‘safe’ thing.

The lizard is your friend, but a little scary, too. She lurks deep within, operating on millennia of aggregated evolutionary knowledge, so she remembers a lot. Like how for thousands of generations, women required strong relationships with strong men in order to simply survive. How, without someone to protect them, our foremothers were vulnerable in every way. How dearly so many of them suffered for it.

So when a liberated modern gal such as yourself contemplates leaving a romantic relationship, even a middling-to-shitty one, the lizard feels she is honor-bound to make you stop, to get right up in your face and scream stuff like you’ll never do better and you’re not getting any younger and you’re lucky to have anyone at all and any man is better than no man and THESE ARE FACTS DAMMIT!

Now, given what she’s seen, her reaction is completely understandable. But it screws up your life, too! Because she ensures that even here in the future that is now, and even when you know you’d be far better off on your own, it still feels like the act of breaking up might actually kill you. [x]

So if you’re doing something you know is bad for you and you’re looking for a friend to give you permission to change careers or leave your lover or move to Asia, this is it.  Look that Lizard brain right in it’s scaly little face and say “NO.  I’m doing this for me and you can throw a fit if you want but I’m right and you’re wrong so get on board or get out of my way” and then enjoy living your life.

Basically, your lizard wants you to sit tight and shut up, which is good advice if your goal in life is simply “don’t die” but bad advice if you actually want to live. [x]

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