But You Liked Kissing… NO!

19 Feb

I had another post scheduled for today but I decided this takes precedent.

Last night someone posted a response to “but you liked kissing, I just thought…” and I decided that again rather than let the comment linger in the ether I’d rather let it be it’s own post.  Major trigger warning for sexual violence.

I was raped less than 2 weeks ago, and I didn’t fight back because I was afraid that the man who was raping me was going to hurt me worse if I fought him. Also I presumed that he was the kind of sick person who is into all the struggling and screaming and crying, so I stayed still and quiet, and hoped he would just finish which he did. He scratched my whole body, bit me really hard leaving terrible bruises and making my nipples bleed. Threw me down in a staircase so that my elbows and knees were bleeding. And I was hesitant to say that I was raped because I had gone to this person’s apartment building to be involved with him sexually. I waited 6 days to go to the police because I was terrified and confused, and I was just ridiculed…told me if I was really raped I would have gone straight to the police. Rape is a terrible crime, and it is very difficult to get justice for it in this society.

Thank you Sara for your openness.  My heart goes out to you and I wish you the best.

9 Responses to “But You Liked Kissing… NO!”

  1. Kate February 20, 2012 at 2:06 pm #

    WHY is it 2012 and police are still saying these things? I DON’T UNDERSTAND. How is it commonplace knowledge among anyone who knows things about rape that survivors feel confused, ashamed, afraid, etc. after the attack and often don’t come forward immediately? ESPECIALLY in this woman’s case, where she had expected the man to treat her well and have consensual sex. What followed was very confusing, I’m sure. But she didn’t consent to be bitten, thrown down stairs, entered forcibly, etc.

    People come to the police about having someone steal their checks and forge their signatures, and I bet they aren’t dismissed if they don’t do it as soon as they find out. I don’t want to tell the woman what to do, but if this guy left marks, then that’s evidence. I wonder if another department or headquarters or officer would respond differently. I wouldn’t blame her for not putting herself through that again, though. Being told that once is devastating; who’d want to put themselves through that again? I don’t have a lot of faith in the system, and I bet she has far, far less.

    Police departments, if you’re reading this, this kind of reaction is extremely damaging to victims and does not engender good will towards officers. This is how rape culture continues. This is how men keep raping women (and all of the other combinations of genders, of course- man on woman is simply the most common.) You want to prevent rape? Then fucking TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. FUCKING TAKE IT SERIOUSLY.

    This is a heartbreaking story and I can only wish her my best, however she sees fit to handle it. I hope this man can be stopped.

  2. Kate February 20, 2012 at 2:08 pm #

    Here’s the other thing: if someone went to someone’s house to confront them about a problem, and is murdered there, the police take that seriously. Even though the person, one could say, went there “asking for it.” So why does rape get a pass? I suspect it has a lot to do with punishing women for having or wanting consensual sex at some point in their lives. Most people don’t realize that’s why they blame the victim, but that’s usually why.

  3. Kate February 20, 2012 at 2:14 pm #

    God, I hope I didn’t come off like I was telling Sara what to do. I was just so infuriated by the fact that what happened to her was CLEARLY RAPE, and yet she was being told it wasn’t. I never sought any police help, prosecution, or retribution after I was assaulted, for a variety of reasons, so I want to make it clear I understand and accept why another person wouldn’t either. Fucking rape culture, fuck all that shit.

  4. Robert February 23, 2012 at 2:20 am #

    I just watched the Vagina Monologues as presented by UC Berkeley, and there was a personal monologue from one of the cast about having to go to court over a break-in and a rape attempt. The guy kept finding ways to move the hearing date, and it took almost 2 years to get him convicted. She said it was very difficult to keep reliving the incident and having to prove that this happened, but she did win the case. My heart goes out to you Sara! Best of luck regardless of whether or not you decide to pursue this legally.

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