Languages of Love

14 Jan

I love thehairpin.com.  I bring it up all the time.  I know.  One of their recurring columns called Ask a Dude had a gem hidden in the bottom of the advice column.  Here it is.

I really buy the idea that conflicts between couples usually come from speaking different languages of love. Some people buy little gifts to show someone that they love them. Some people work to organize their partner’s day, to make their life easier and show that they love them. Some people express their love physically, some people use actual spoken language, etc. The problem arises if I’m saying “I love you” and you’re just hearing that talk is cheap (because your love language involves actions and gifts), or I’m buying you little gifts to say that I love you and you’re just thinking “thanks but you can’t buy me off, why don’t you ever just say you love me!” So in your case, let him know that you understand that he loves you, but these little gestures are a message you can easily receive and would like to hear more often. If he really is someone who is generous with his feelings, I can’t imagine that he would turn down such a reasonable request. Not to mention that it will be twice as effective now, because you will know every time he opens a door for you that it isn’t his natural way of being but he loves you and is trying to tell you so. Yay for love!

If he won’t do it, or can’t do it, even after you’ve made clear to him how important it is to you and that this is an important way for him to express his love to you, then… uh oh. RED FLAG. He now speaks your language and he just isn’t saying it! What a jerk! Remember that you need to learn his language too, though. Two way street!

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