Advice – Blowin’ Blood in the Bath

13 May

My long-term boyfriend is a wonderful person. My only issue is that he’s a little lax about personal cleanliness. For example, last weekend he admitted that he’d had a nosebleed and cleared it out by blowing his nose in the shower. He told me this as an explanation for why I might see red flecks on the shower wall, as he’d cleaned up a bit while he was in the shower, but hadn’t gotten to everything. I got snippy/grossed out about why he’d told me this instead of just cleaning up the rest himself, but he just laughed it off before turning back to his video game and I calmed down after replacing my loofah, which had been in the line of fire. (This is gross, right? Or am I alone in this?) Another example is that I’ve been noticing for months that after he uses the bathroom at home, he barely runs the tap water — probably not long enough to use soap. I finally brought it up on our way to work today, and he explained that he only bothers with soap after #2 since he doesn’t “need” it after #1. I don’t want to start a fight over something trivial and sound like a nag, but I also don’t want to spend my days cleaning up his bodily fluids and cringing every time he touches our future children. How can I encourage him to up his standards a bit without sounding like his micromanaging ex? Grossed Out

Does this guy ever take your concerns seriously?  Just out of curiosity.  It sounds like he’d scoff at just about anything you had to say.

He’ll blow blood on your loofah and then laugh at you for being upset?  Dump this S**thead already.

Any guy who laughs at my displeasure and then turns back to his video games has another thing coming in my book.

And that thing is called celibacy.

This is a guy who doesn’t deserve to be anywhere near any of your bodily fluids until he cleans up (pun intended) his act.  Get out of that rat trap apartment.  If he misses you enough to change his behavior then you can forgive and forget.  If he doesn’t then you’re well rid of his nasty a**.

I just read the advice given in the actual column and she brings up a good point about kids.  Wendy asks if GO would be willing to let this guy teach such gross behavior to her future kids.  My question is do you want him to teach your kids to be so rude (and honestly misogynistic) and disrespectful of people’s feelings?  I hope not.

Get out, GO.

One last thing.  If this guy really is a catch (doubtful) or if his only problem was hand washing you can try this trick.  Next time you’re messing around, while he’s still wearing pants stick his finger in your mouth.  Pretend it’s…something else.  Be nice to it.  Lick/bite/kiss, I’m sure you can figure out what he likes.  Then pull it out of your throat and say “you did wash that right?”

When he says no, tell him that unfortunately you won’t be able to do all the things you’re dying to do until his hands shine like the top of the Chrysler building.  When he gets back from washing them make it worth his while.

Next time you’re about to hop into bed take his hand, pause, ask, let him wash, resume.  Repeat until it’s no longer a problem.

Positive reinforcement.  It’s a thing.

One Response to “Advice – Blowin’ Blood in the Bath”

  1. Jessica Dickinson Goodman May 14, 2011 at 1:35 am #

    I literally LOLed when I read:

    “And that thing is called celibacy.”

    Great advice, as always.

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