If I Were A Boy

3 Apr


Boys are told from a young age that whatever they do will be excused under the “boys will be boys” mantra, and that “boys will be boys” mentality leads to what I call the “boiling frog” problem of women’s sexual boundaries. I call it that because if you put a frog into a pot of boiling water, it will jump right out, but if you put a frog into a pot of room-temperature water and slowly heat it to a boil, the frog will acclimate as it heats and never jump out, eventually boiling to death. Similarly, when we learn as young girls to tolerate “low-level” boundary violations like the ones we often are forced to suffer in silence at school, at home and on the street – bra-snapping, boob-grabbing, ass pinching, catcalling, dick flashing “all in good fun” relentless violations that adults and authorities routinely ignore – it makes it harder for us to notice when even greater boundaries are being violated, eventually leading to the reality that many women who are raped just freeze and fall silent, because that’s what they’ve been taught to do over and over since day one. You tell me what’s more infantilizing: repeatedly letting boys (and grown men) off the hook for their behavior because “boys will be boys” and we can’t ever expect any differently, or creating a consent standard in which all partners take active responsibility for their partner’s safety, and which acknowledges the truly diseased sexual culture we’re soaking in every day.

~ My dear roomie Kendra’s tumblr.

Pop culture needs to stop differentiating between ‘real’ rape and any other kind of rape it thinks there is. Because its depictions of rape and sexual assault are having very real and very harmful impacts on people and society in general. Rapists learn what they can get away with, and rape victims learn, again, that they don’t matter.

~When Rape, Evidently, Isn’t Rape – this ain’t livin’

One Response to “If I Were A Boy”


  1. If You Liked Me You Wouldn’t Do That « Female Gazing - April 2, 2012

    […] ‘playground crimes’ contribute directly to the boiling frog phenomenon that makes rape so hard to prosecute, domestic violence and emotional abuse so […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: