Having been physically ripped from my best friend I’ve found a new group of friends to love fiercely. I’m certainly the feminist out of the bunch but as we spend time together I’m hearing from them more and more “I was watching The Voice last night and there was this commercial and in it this woman was like ‘I thought I did the dishes already’ and it made me mad because why does she expect that her husband doesn’t know how to wash dishes? What have you done to me!?”
One of the biggest conflicts between us is how I talk to guys. It would be quite a stretch to describe me as ‘shy’ and a few weeks ago we were on a beach checking out some guys on wakeboards. My friend was doing her thing which I will describe here as ‘I’ll strip down to my bikini and wait for him to notice me amongst this sea of bikinis.’ After a few minutes of us watching him and being annoyed that he… you know… was actually interested in what he was doing, I put my hands up in the air, waved them around and shouted HEY until he came over and talked to us. My friend was mortified. In fact I think mortified is too subtle a word. To say that she wanted the earth to open up and swallow us would probably be more appropriate.
Nonetheless he came over and I asked him about the board he was on, where he lived, and what cool bars he could suggest. Then we said our farewells and we each left. No harm done.
Herein lies the question. My friend was sure that behavior like that would never get me anywhere, was unladylike and unattractive. I say that I don’t want to be with any guy who wouldn’t be cool with a strange woman introducing herself first (granted probably not like I did in this example, but in truth it’s just one example in many).
I like to say Hi. I don’t want to sit back and be coy and wait for some guy to notice me. If I noticed you I’m going to say Hi and it might be loud, so be prepared. And if you’re not into that, well at least I know now that you’re not right for me before I sink time and effort into you.
What it comes down to is this: Why should I pretend not to be the kind of person who is going to raise her hand in the lecture hall, to dance on the bar, to volunteer at Blue Man Group? What reason do I have to pretend to be someone more ‘conventionally likable’ just so I can turn around ‘after the honeymoon period’ and turn out to be (shocker) me.
The ‘tactics’ my new friends suggest sound ripped from the pages of cosmo magazine. Lean on the bar, stand in a group of people, point your belly button at him if you’re interested, don’t wear too much clothing.
These tricks might work well for some couples and honestly I’m a little envious of them but the truth is that if I did that stuff I’m pretty sure I’d end up with a guy who likes girls who lean on things, silently, shirtlessly, and never move their feet. Sooner or later he’d find out that I tricked him into thinking I’m that girl and we would be over.
From The Rules:
- Don’t talk to a man first and don’t ask him to dance
- Don’t call him and rarely return his calls
- Always end the date first
- Don’t see him more than once or twice a week
- Don’t open up too fast
Some research from Broadblogs shows that men have very mixed reactions to ‘playing hard to get’ which in my opinion supports my ‘some people like this and some people don’t’ hypothesis.
Some guys like people like people who lean on things. Some people like people who get the hell up and make fools of themselves. I own my foolishness and want someone who will appreciate that.
What it comes down to is that I’d rather be rejected 9 times out of 10 by someone who happens to not be interested in the person I am, rather than worry for one minute that he likes a version of me that only exist in his head.